Slow Down Before You Hurt Yourself

Well yesterday was pretty hectic. Though to be fair, "hectic" by Varkala standards basically means "I got out of the hammock and remained upright for more than twenty consecutive minutes." This in itself results in collapsing dramatically into a chair at one of the restaurants and asking for a Kingfisher Gold in between gasps as [...]

Non-Denominational Holiday Wishes

Generic non-denominational forced holiday happiness wishes to y'all. Despite the photos I didn't spend my whole afternoon frolicking in the waves. Mainly I spent it stuffing various food products into my facehole at the Coffee Temple which is run by an English dude, ergo managed to produce a suitably satisfying roast lunch, before I went [...]

I Came, I Saw, I Selfied

Kanyakumari is basically as far south as you can go in India. If you tried to go any further south you'd probably drown. You wouldn't even know which ocean you actually drowned in either on account of the fact that this is where three oceans meet, it'd be like some manner of water inhalation lottery. [...]

Killing Time

Me and zoos have an uneasy relationship. On one hand, animals shouldn't be kept in captivity. If they've been plucked from the wild and enclosed in a zoo then that's not something I want to look at. Buuuut if they were born in captivity and that's all they know and the zoo treats them well [...]

Varkala’s Expensive Little Sister

So me and Jill had rocked up to Trivandrum in the pissing rain and did that thing where you ask every other person where the actual fuck you're meant to catch the bus to Kovalam because Indian directions often involve a vague hand wave in a general direction with a "and then you turn left... [...]

Taking It Easy… Even More So Than Usual

I feel like everything has slowed right the fuck down since I got to Kerala. Everything. My natural walking pace has gone from "relaxed amble" to "practically backwards" and my food consumption speed has had to be re-designated "acceptable rate of shovelling," two notches down from the previous "rapid inhalation." The locals are so friendly [...]

Cutlery Is For The Weak

Ok, so, whilst I was looking for somewhere to stay in Alappuzha, a friend recommended the amazing Alleppey 3 Palms Guest House which only cost me ₹350 per night and this included dinner and as much tea and coffee as my bladder could take before it went on strike in protest, and there wasn't even [...]

Non-Stop Tourist Whirlwind (Just A Very Slow One)

Life in Fort Cochin is a non-stop adventure assuming that by "non-stop adventure" you mean sitting around a lot whilst consuming tea and cake. Other activities include walking around looking at the various tourist attractions, but really really slowly so you don't do everything in four minutes. More of a stroll, really. Or an amble. [...]

It’s Not Pretty But At Least It Has Tea

Train is definitely my favourite way to get around India ay. Buses are great and all that and you don't have to book half your life in advance but they're not as comfortable, you can't get up and walk around and if you decide you need the toilet well, that's just tough titties, sweetheart. Sometimes [...]

Nothing Important Happened Today

So I ended up giving myself the afternoon off from being a tourist today. I wasn't going to, I came to Kannur to see if I could find a Theyyam possession ritual to wrap my eyeballs around but I ended up scrapping that idea in favour of miming to power ballads in the mirror in [...]