Obviously we’d much rather quit our jobs and spend three months just bumming around Spain, drinking wine and applying tapas liberally to our faceholes but Real Life isn’t conducive to that sort of shenanigans. So we’re going to attempt to see as much of Spain as possible in bite-sized, employer-friendly chunks. These are the voyages of the gainfully employed.
The Stories
Seville & Córdoba 2025
City Break: Seville (& Córdoba), Spain, Part 1
Alright, we’re doing it, we’re going back to Spain despite the fact last time we went if it could go tits up it very much did go tits up culminating in Tarrant stacking it off a segway in spectacular fashion…
City Break: Seville (& Córdoba), Spain, Part 2
You have to book your tickets for the Real Alcázar quite far in advance if you want to be fussy about when you want to go and I would highly recommend you go as early as you can unless you’re…
City Break: Seville (& Córdoba), Spain, Part 3
When I was researching this trip I discovered that Córdoba is less than an hour away by train. When we talked about taking city breaks to assist with my mental health not taking an utter nose dive on account of…
Useful Shit To Know About Seville
Currency +
- Card is very widely used. We pretty much used it for everything apart from the bus to Italica and the entrance fee for Italica, both of which were cash only.
- ATMs charge loads! ING wanted €5, Santander wanted €7, and it looks like this is a flat rate. You’ll be charged this regardless of what you withdraw.
- We found one free ATM. Unicaja Banco on Calle Sierpes didn’t charge anything.
BUDGET for one person (based on two sharing) for days.
Accommodation: £205.29
Buses, trains: £39.92
Taxis, private vehicles: £10.69
Groceries: £20.44
Eating out: £80.33
Tea, coffee, drinks: £12.06
Booze: £46
Entrance fees: £68.65
Entertainment: £17.33
Souvenirs: £23.17
Everything else: £4.78
GRAND TOTAL: £528.70
Average per person per day: £88.12
Getting Around +
- The city of Seville is very walkable but if you’re knackered or walking with a stick because you fell off a segway then there are buses, but they’re never as straight forward as I feel they could be. Like, what could easily be one bus is two buses.
- We used Cabify to get around. Like Uber but Spanish. I used my UK phone number and bank card with no issues.
- The main bus terminal is Plaza de Armas. This is where we took the M-170A (€1.70 each one way, cash only) to Italica.
- The EA (Especial Aeropuerto) bus connects Seville with the airport. It’s €5 one way or €6 return, but the return has to be used that day or the next.
- There’s a kiosk outside of arrivals where you can buy a ticket, there are ticket machines, or you can pay on board. We used card to pay.
- The next stop is announced inside the bus and it terminates at the main bus terminal, Plaza de Armas.
- To return to the airport you can get on at Plaza de Armas but it’s outside the terminal on Calle Turneo. You’ll see the clearly marked bus stop. We paid by card, tapping the machine by the door as we got on.
- With the exception of very local commuter trains, you can’t just hop on a train in Spain. You need to book in advance and choose or be allocated a seat.
- Trains do get booked up so do book ahead as soon as you know your travel dates.
- I used the Renfe app to book our train tickets. You can just show the QR code on your phone. I would imagine it’s the same with the Trainline app.
- Both Santa Justa in Seville, and Córdoba make you put your bags through a scanner before you can access the platforms.
- There are departure boards which will, eventually, tell you which platform you need to be on. The Trainline app often does this too but I wouldn’t trust it. It told me our train went from platform 1. Santa Justa doesn’t have a platform 1.
- Your ticket will tell you which seat within which carriage you have, and carriage numbers are displayed outside the train doors. Dead easy.
Visiting Attractions +
- With the exception of Las Setas we bought all of our entrance tickets online from the official websites. Las Seta can be bought online and if we were to do it again that’s what I’d do.
- Pre-purchasing saves a lot of queuing, plus it means you’ll get the time you want for the attractions with timed entries.
- The Real Alcázar gets booked out quite quickly so book as soon as you know your dates, especially if you want to see the Royal Quarters.
- When visiting the cathedral and any churches you’ll be asked to dress accordingly, so no shorts and singlets, and that includes the men. Long sleeves, and trousers or long skirts only or you’ll be turned away.
Mallorca 2024
Mallorca – The Minor Fuckery
Oh, journey to Mallorca, shall we count the ways in which you can fuck right off? Trespassers on the line meant trains were severely delayed or just outright cancelled. Last time this happened we were trying to get from Brighton…
Mallorca – The Good Bits
Tuesday There are probably a metric fuck tonne of show caves in Mallorca so it’d be rude not to put at least one of them into our eyeholes. We’re both a sucker for a cave and it doesn’t seem to…
Mallorca – The Major Fuckery
Thursday As we wandered through Cala Millor on Tuesday evening in search of cheap piss and food, we saw a shop advertising segway tours. We asked about it and it turned out they went to Punta de n’Amer, a little…
Useful Shit To Know About Mallorca
Tourist Tax +
- You’ll need to pay a tourist tax at the hotel. Even if you book and pay for your room online, the tourist tax is a separate thing that you pay on arrival.
- How much you pay per person is based on the star rating of your hotel. The posher it is the more you’ll pay. Click here for the official rates.
Currency +
- Spain uses the Euro (€). Card was accepted pretty much everywhere apart from the segway place.
- We only got cash out once and were charged €3.95 for the privilege.
Getting Around +
- I might be mildly obsessed with buses but they really are, genuinely, a brilliant way to get around a local area. No bloody good if you fancied a day trip to Palma from Cala Millor or something because you’re looking at a four hour round trip, but if you just wanted to pop up the road they’re are an absolute delight.
- Run by Transports de les Illes Balears (TIB), they’re clean, air conditioned, and very tourist-friendly. A screen tells you what the next stop is and you just have to press the button to let the driver know you want to stop. If you don’t press the button though, the bus won’t stop and you’ll have to wait until the next stop.
- You won’t be allowed to board if you’re just in your swimwear. Put some proper clothes on!

- Paying is easy. You can pay cash if you like but it’s cheaper to tap your contactless bank card when you get on and tap it again when you get off. You can pay for up to five people on one card and it gets cheaper per person the more people you tap on for. You just have to remember to tap out the same amount of times as you tapped on.


- All the routes are on Google so you can use that to find out timetable information and the exact location of bus stops. I will admit, there were a couple of occasions where the bus was full and didn’t stop to let us on but they will absolutely cram you on to capacity so it’ll be rare that you can’t get on.
- If for some reason you can’t get a bus, taxis are a good albeit more costly option. You can pay by card (only one guy didn’t want us to but grudgingly let us when we said we’d just take another taxi) and they’re all metered.