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This is a blog I started in order to write shit down when I travelled so I’d remember it regardless of how many brain calls I systematically replaced with house white wine over the following years. Hopefully it’ll help people plan their trip but it probably won’t because it’s largely a self-indulgent collection of poorly punctuated posts littered with enough unnecessary swear words to make Gordon Ramsey blush. Basically I just like doing cool stuff and looking at pretty shit then telling the Internet about it.

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Hadrian’s Wall Path, September 2019. Because for some reason, me and the mrs decided that spending six days hiking from one side of England to the other in the rain would constitute a relaxing holiday.

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Listed below in reverse order of visiting, because alphabetical would make life far too easy. Click on it to be taken to the relevant blog posts which will also all be listed in reverse order because that’s pretty much just how blogs work.

A collection of bite sized adventures that occur during that “annual leave” thing people tend to do in order to furnish their Instagram page with photos that don’t involve black and white selfies with the cat. Mostly involves being damp in a tent.
Apparently you can’t just go off gallivanting around the world for several months on a whim. Something to do with jobs and responsibilities and blah blah blah. You can, however, fuck off to a tiny island nation for a week and try and fit as much in as you would on a months long trip before probably collapsing with exhaustion.
This was the first big trip I took with the mrs and yes, we’re still together. You never know how these things will pan out do you? Okay, so we get on just fine at home sat on the sofa binge watching Star Trek whilst shovelling Doritos into our chops, but would this translate well into living in each other’s pockets for weeks at a time in Tropical heat? You learn a lot about yourself and your limits when you travel, and we learned that we function well as a team. We also learned that there will literally be no mystery left in your relationship when you’ve spent the night in very close quarters whilst one or both of you projectile your stomach contents from one end or the other.
The most incredible trip in two of the most amazing countries. You can’t really prepare for India, you just have to sort of show up and try to get used to it. The noise, the chaos, the poverty. This is all offset by some of the best food you’ll ever apply liberally to your facehole, and the genuine warmth of the people. Not the ones that work in tourism though, they want all of your money and will lie to your face to get it. As for Nepal, it feels calm in comparison, and the Nepali people are so friendly, and those views! Those mountain views will take your breath away. Assuming the altitude hasn’t already done that for you.
I rocked up to Buenos Aires looking every inch the tourist to begin my adventure around South America, my worldly belongings strapped to my torso and the “look at me, I’m totally lost and vulnerable” look plastered across my face, able to conjugate exactly one verb in Spanish and ask someone when their birthday is. I might as well have had “Please Rob Me” tattooed on my forehead. I’ve no idea how I even made it to my hostel in one piece. What commenced was an epic eight month adventure packed with waterfalls, fried street food and leg-numbing hikes. I loved every sweaty second of it.

The most recent shit I’ve gotten around to posting. It’s in reverse order, because of course it is.

Hadrian’s Wall Path, Days 5 and 6 (9/28/2019) - Day 5 : Walwick to Heddon on the Wall : 18.7 miles We woke up to another beautiful morning albeit a cold one. It certainly makes your nipples sit up and take notice when you’re trying to function outdoors at this time of year. We shovelled a Summit to Eat into our chops, had a […]
Hadrian’s Wall Path, Day 4 (9/26/2019) - Day 4 : Sheild on the Wall to just before Walwick : 14.9 miles including a stroll around a fort. One of the fun things about sleeping in a tent is that you never really know what the outside is doing because everything sounds like the apocalypse when you’re under canvas. I woke up predictably […]
Hadrian’s Wall Path, Day 3 (9/25/2019) - Day 3 : Walton to Shield on the Wall : 17.4 miles, including walking around a fort, going the wrong bloody way, and the ¾ of a mile from the trail to the campsite. Well they do say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day (actually I think it’s just cereal companies […]
Hadrian’s Wall Path, Days 1 and 2 (9/24/2019) - I have no idea what satanic hell-beast possessed us to make us think that hiking 84 miles from Bowness-on-Solway to Newcastle-upon-Tyne across the narrowest part of England would be any manner of relaxing, but that’s how we chose to spend a week of annual leave in September as colleagues raised an eyebrow and suggested that […]
Two Nights On Dartmoor (7/3/2019) - Well Dartmoor started off well enough with lovely, defined trails and well placed stiles that were taller than we are. For all intents and purposes, Dartmoor was a fucking doddle, despite the clouds looming closer, the kind of clouds you don’t really want to see when you’re just embarking on a three day hike with […]
A Rainy Day On Gozo (3/16/2019) - We were up at an hour even the ubiquitous sparrows would have raised a sleepy eyebrow at to catch an early ferry over to Gozo with the intention of watching the sunrise from Malta’s smaller sister. Yeah nah so that wasn’t going to happen. As we sat in the small queue of cars to board […]
A Day Of Purposeful Meandering (3/14/2019) - We fully intended to walk every inch of Comino today, the tiny, car-free island between Malta and Gozo, but it seemed the ferries weren’t running, possibly on account of the fact the winds of the other day had started up again. We got to the ferry terminal (the Gozo one is obvious) and were directed […]
Wreck Diving In Malta (3/13/2019) - The diving gods must have been smiling on me when I booked my day of diving a few weeks ago. Yesterday the winds were so bad there would have been no way to safely enter and exit the water but today was beautiful and calm with not a cloud in the sky, though I was […]
More Temples And A Sod Off Great Big Church (3/12/2019) - Today we’d be heading to the Ħal Saflieni Hypogeum and we figured we’d get a bus to save us dicking around with parking. As we loitered outside waiting for it to open, periodically wiping the grit from our eyes that the brutal fucking winds sweeping across the island kept depositing in there, Tarrant asked, “What […]
Fishing Boats And Stone Age Temples (3/11/2019) - We chose Malta before we researched it on account of it being really fucking tiny. Seriously, you could stand on one side and spit to the other. I mean, don’t, because that would be gross. But you could. We wanted an entire country that we could potentially see in a week and given that the […]