Travel & Shit


We thought we’d take a bit of time out to bugger off on a bit of a trip. For once I can’t really plan anything given the constantly changing face of Covid-19, so we have ideas of where we want to go but ultimately it’ll depend on vaccine validity, PCR testing, and quarantine requirements. Oh, also what state of collapse the government of our destination country is currently in might be a small factor too.

Where Are We Now?

Stage 1: We walked from Eastbourne to Land’s End to Prestatyn in The Bottom Half.

Stage 2: A cheeky little two week holiday to The Seychelles. Y’know, just to rest ‘n’ shit.

Stage 3: Okay so I’m not entirely sure we have the money for this, but we’re going to try and visit every one of the seven continents… Let’s see how this goes then.
Europe: Eight weeks in Greece gawping at ruins, sprawling on beaches and putting so fucking many mountains into our eyeholes.
Africa: Thirty days in Egypt, land of the pharaohs and an absolute fuck tonne more. Star gazing in the White Desert, fish bothering in the Red Sea, tombs and temples and the dessicated corpses of kings and queens.
South America: We flew into Brazil and we’re hoping to meander in the direction of Argentina via the spectacular Iguazu Falls.
Antarctica:
North America:
Oceania/Australia:
Asia:



I spent four days fish bothering in the Red Sea around Marsa Alam, and you know when something has been hyped to buggery and been bandied around in the same sentence as "world class" so you're slightly concerned you might be a bit disappointed? Yeah nah, you don't have to worry about that here. I've never seen such healthy coral, the colours are insane. I could dive here every day forever and not be upset by it. CW: The last photo (9) is a close up of Tutankhamen's mummy and whilst I have a COMPLETELY NORMAL obsession with really old dead shit I understand that not everyone needs the dessicated corpse of a 19 year old king in their life. The temples at Abu Simbel are ego hewn in stone. Ramses II had a penchant for building huge statues of himself all over Egypt and this one is particularly spectacular. Four colossal statues of himself adorn the facade. Several more line the entrance hall on the inside. Reliefs depict his greatness in battle and have him hanging out with the gods, himself deified. People will tell you to not catch the night train from Cairo to Aswan because you can't enjoy the wonderful sights flashing by your window if it's dark. But your night train will become a day train once the sun rises, and in our case it became half the fucking next day train too when it finally roller into Aswan four hours late. And anyway, what kind of psychopath gazes out of a window for 14 solid hours? No, the night train does the job perfectly. I still can't get over the fact that hieroglyphics are an actual thing that exist and we got to put them in our very own eyeholes. Other things that exist are pyramids that aren't at Giza. The ones at Giza are the biggest and are particularly old and spectacular but the ones at Dahshur and Saqqara are even fucking older if you can wrap your head around that concept. "You want a camel? I take you to the (insert name of attraction that you’re currently meandering towards)”

The 10 Latest Posts

Chilling Out & Finishing Up

I could have done more diving, I’d quite happily come back to Egypt one day and just spend 30 days diving here, but I wanted to spend some time with Tarrant in this little slice of oceanic paradise. There’s some…

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Fish Bothering In The Red Sea

The city of Marsa Alam is a bit of a shithole, the seafront property is mostly unfinished, apparently due to some bizarre Egyptian law whereby if you have land you have to build on it or the government will take…

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Okay, Fine, Just One Last Temple Then

The Horus temple at Edfu is very much worth the effort I think but oh my fucking gosh, what an effort it was! Trains in Egypt are ultimately a great way to get around but they’re also generally late and…

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The High Life

There is a tourist activity in Luxor that doesn’t involve dragging your unwilling carcass through dusty archaeological sites, lamenting the fact you didn’t bring enough water whilst you try to stop your devices from heating up and the sun claims…

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Tombs Of The Pharaohs

CONTENT WARNING: DEAD DUDE! We saw the mummy of Tutankhamen and I’ve included a photo of him in this blog. Ancient Egyptians only lived on the East Bank of the river Nile. They worshipped the sun disc which rose in…

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Luxor’s East Bank

We’re not staying on the East Bank of Luxor and thank fuck we’re not. It’s nothing particularly special and we’d read that the West Bank was a much nicer place to be. Our introduction to Luxor though, that pretty much…

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The Biggest Ego In All The Land

Ramses II liked building fuck off great big things to remind everyone of his general badassery and the temples at Abu Simbel are a fine example of this. They reckon he built this particular imposing temple in that location to…

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Aswan Life

“Don’t take the night train!” people will tell you, “You won’t get to see Egypt if it’s dark!” No, but I will save on a night’s accommodation and the night train becomes a day train when the sun comes up.…

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A Stroll Around Islamic Cairo

So I actually quite like Cairo. There. I said it. Is it noisy, busy, chaotic and a bit smelly in parts? Abso-fucking-lutely! But is everyone lovely and friendly and actually really helpful? I mean, mostly, yes. Some people want you…

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Quite A Bit Of Dead Shit

We had a little wander into Cairo today to put some Coptic stuff in our eyeholes. After we’d filled up on fuul at our current favourite place to get the delicious beany goodness we braved the public transport system, because…

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Previous Shit…

This is a blog I started in order to write shit down when I travelled so I’d remember it regardless of how many brain calls I systematically replaced with house white wine over the following years. It’s very sweary and largely self-indulgent but that’s pretty much why blogs were invented.

Egypt 2022

The land of the pharaohs and so much more. We came for the ancient history and were served all of that with a side of “You want a camel? Good price!” Star gazing in the White Desert, fish bothering in the Red Sea, hot air balloon rides, sunset felucca cruises, temples, tombs, and the dessicated corpses of kings and queens. From the chaos of Cairo to the relative (with the emphasis on relative) calm of Luxor’s West Bank, Egypt has been absolutely fucking amazing.

Greece 2022

Well Greece blew me away. I sort of knew what to expect on account of researching the fuck out of it but I don’t think I realised how varied it was and how much it actually had to offer. I was worried we’d get historied out too quickly, that if anyone suggested we go look at another ancient ruin I’d have to resist the urge to throw bricks at them. But the ruins were interspersed with beaches and mountains, relaxing by the seafront with a beer or a freddo, stunning little villages, and some of the most spectacular scenery I’ve ever had the pleasure of putting in my eyeholes.

The Seychelles 2022

After we decided to fuck our LEJOG attempt off due to injury and mental health, we found ourselves with spare time and money. Our running joke when things go to shit is “should have gone to Lanzarote” but we decided to think bigger, somewhere to make us feel better about having to abandon a long hike, and ended up spunking large quantities of cash on an actual holiday for a change, rather than a whirlwind tourist adventure resulting in more fatigue than we’d started with.
The Seychelles, guys. Holy fuck. It’s exactly like you’d imagine it to be. It’s everything you’d expect from an island paradise (with the price tag to match). We were there in July, apparently the “wrong” time of year, the locals considered it cold, but with a steady temperature of 24°C we just about coped.

The Bottom Half 2022

This started as an attempt to walk from Eastbourne to Land’s End to John O Groats in a National Trail crushing extravaganza but our legs and feet made it abundantly clear that they didn’t consent to any of this and injury forced us to abandon the hike in Prestatyn. Still, 1114 miles and three National Trails back to back is pretty good going and if we ever stop walking like we’ve shat ourselves then maybe we’ll come back and finish it off.

Bite Sized Adventures In The United Kingdom

A collection of bite sized adventures that occur during that “annual leave” thing people tend to do in order to furnish their Instagram page with photos that don’t involve black and white selfies with the cat. Mostly involves being damp in a tent.

Malta 2019

Apparently you can’t just go off gallivanting around the world for several months on a whim. Something to do with jobs and responsibilities and blah blah blah. You can, however, fuck off to a tiny island nation for a week and try and fit as much in as you would on a months long trip before probably collapsing with exhaustion.

South East Asia 2017

This was the first big trip I took with the mrs and yes, we’re still together. You never know how these things will pan out do you? Okay, so we get on just fine at home sat on the sofa binge watching Star Trek whilst shovelling Doritos into our chops, but would this translate well into living in each other’s pockets for weeks at a time in Tropical heat? You learn a lot about yourself and your limits when you travel, and we learned that we function well as a team. We also learned that there will literally be no mystery left in your relationship when you’ve spent the night in very close quarters whilst one or both of you projectile your stomach contents from one end or the other.

India & Nepal 2014 – 2015

The most incredible trip in two of the most amazing countries. You can’t really prepare for India, you just have to sort of show up and try to get used to it. The noise, the chaos, the poverty. This is all offset by some of the best food you’ll ever apply liberally to your facehole, and the genuine warmth of the people. Not the ones that work in tourism though, they want all of your money and will lie to your face to get it. As for Nepal, it feels calm in comparison, and the Nepali people are so friendly, and those views! Those mountain views will take your breath away. Assuming the altitude hasn’t already done that for you.

South America 2010

I rocked up to Buenos Aires looking every inch the tourist to begin my adventure around South America, my worldly belongings strapped to my torso and the “look at me, I’m totally lost and vulnerable” look plastered across my face, able to conjugate exactly one verb in Spanish and ask someone when their birthday is. I might as well have had “Please Rob Me” tattooed on my forehead. I’ve no idea how I even made it to my hostel in one piece. What commenced was an epic eight month adventure packed with waterfalls, fried street food and leg-numbing hikes. I loved every sweaty second of it.