Travel & Shit


We thought we’d take a bit of time out to bugger off on a bit of a trip. We’ll be back when the money runs out which to be fair might be sooner rather than later given the fact the older I get the more I like nice things.

Where Are We Now?

Stage 1: We walked from Eastbourne to Land’s End to Prestatyn in The Bottom Half.

Stage 2: A cheeky little two week holiday to The Seychelles. Y’know, just to rest ‘n’ shit.

Stage 3: Okay so I’m not entirely sure we have the money for this, but we’re going to try and visit every one of the seven continents… Let’s see how this goes then.

  • Europe: Eight weeks in Greece gawping at ruins, sprawling on beaches and putting so fucking many mountains into our eyeholes.
  • Africa: Thirty days in Egypt, land of the pharaohs and an absolute fuck tonne more. Star gazing in the White Desert, fish bothering in the Red Sea, tombs and temples and the dessicated corpses of kings and queens.
  • South America: Brazil and Argentina. Mostly the latter. It’s fucking massive. We’ve gone from sweating to death in the subtropical north to taking passersby out with a nipple at the end of the world, all in the space of five outstandingly lengthy bus journeys.
  • Antarctica: 🇦🇶 It will absolutely have your bank account weeping in a corner but it’s worth every hard earned penny. The 11 day Antarctica Classic with G Adventures.
  • North America:
  • Oceania/Australia:
  • Asia:



I don't know if I mentioned it but we actually went to Antarctica recently (I know, I can't believe I've barely mentioned it) and we saw an absolute metric fuck tonne of ice there and it was imposing and beautiful and majestic but aside from the sod off great big icebergs casually bobbing past the ship it didn't actually move. No amount of staring at it really intently would make it calve. So we took ourselves off to the Perito Moreno Glacier about 80 kms from El Calafate to gawp at even more ice. After spending ten days shovelling obnoxious quantities of incredible food into our chops on the ship (you know, the one we took to Antarctica) we figured we should probably do a bit of walking. My trousers didn't fit anymore, I had to unbutton them to sit down, but I don't know what I thought would happen if I kept having two breakfasts and two lunches every damn day. My legs had forgotten they had a function other than transporting me between the dining room and the biscuit tin. Day 8, our last proper day in Antarctica. I'm not crying, you're crying. We woke up to the sight of Deception Island looming outside the window, a volcano which last erupted in 1969 I think? We moored in Whaler's Bay and learned all about the ruins of the Norwegian whaling operation in the 1930s. Photo 6 is where they stored the whale oil. Photo 8 is where they melted the blubber into oil. Try not to gag. Day 7 started with a trip to an island in Mikkelsen Harbour to put some nesting gentoo penguins in our eyeholes. Nope, still not board of the waddling little comedy shows wrapped in a tuxedo. Those piles of stones they're lying on are their nests, they've all got eggs. If you close one eye and squint with the other this could be a scene of tourists sprawled on the pebbles at Brighton beach. It looks about as comfortable. Day 6 started with killer whales (photos 6 & 7) but also a humpback whale in amongst them. Apparently they're not the type of killer whale to take down a humpback and it's more likely the humpback was trying to chase them out of its area like a grumpy old bloke shooing teenagers off his lawn. Or in this case, a slightly murderous family. Day 5, and we woke up to an Antarctic blizzard, the snow sweeping in sideways and settling on the deck. Obviously this meant we had to spend a few minutes after breakfast lobbing it at each other like the mature and sensible adults we are.

The 10 Latest Posts

Living Ice

You’d think we’d have had enough of glaciers by now but here we were in a cute little Patagonian town whose sole tourist attraction was a large chunk of ice about 80 kilometres away in the Parque Nacional los Glaciares.…

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A Lake & Not Quite A Glacier

With a couple of days spare in Ushuaia we figured we’d go put some more stuff in our eyeholes. Lakes and glaciers and the like. Laguna Esmerelda, or Emerald Lake, is a very popular walk about a 20 minute drive…

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A National Park & A 4×4 Adventure

We absolutely did not set out to have such an epic day. I’ve not been so tired since I took a load of seasickness tablets during a trip to Antarctica. Did I mention we went to Antarctica? Oh yes, it’s…

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Antarctica Days 9, 10 & 11

Day 9 Well today was an absolute write off. The tablets I’m taking for seasickness absolutely floor me. I actually take them for overnight bus rides because firstly they let me read on the bus without risking pebble dashing the…

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Antarctica Day 8

One of the optional extras you can book is camping on the shore which I’m sure is a pretty fucking amazing experience if freezing to death is high on your bucket list, but conditions have to be right. They’d tried…

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Antarctica Day 7

Okay so firstly I need to address the exceptional housekeeping on this ship. You’d kind of expect your room to be refreshed once a day if you were feeling a little bit fancy, right? The housekeeper comes in in the…

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Antarctica Day 6

Today we’d be heading into the Lemaire Channel which at its narrowest point is about 75 metres and full of icebergs. Mario woke us up over the PA at 7am and we stumbled up to the dining room for breakfast.…

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Antarctica Day 5

We were jolted awake at 6.30am by the dulcet tones of Mario over the PA welcoming us to the day. Jesus fucking Christ, Mario! A bit of warning would have been nice! We’d set an alarm for 7.30, I’d gotten…

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Antarctica Day 4

What a fucking day then! They’d told us yesterday if conditions were good, which was 50/50, that we could land on one of the South Shetland Islands. We tried to keep our hopes in check but it’s difficult, especially when…

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Antarctica Day 3

I got to sleep pretty easily thanks in part to the calm waters of the Beagle Channel but it was largely down to the Profergan. My brain had gone into zombie mode so it was easy to coax it into…

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Previous Shit…

This is a blog I started in order to write shit down when I travelled so I’d remember it regardless of how many brain calls I systematically replaced with house white wine over the following years. It’s very sweary and largely self-indulgent but that’s pretty much why blogs were invented.

Antarctica 2023

Bugger me, that cost a lot of money. Fortunately there’s enough cool shit in Antarctica to distract you from your bank account which is probably weeping in a corner somewhere. Anyway, if you’re not here to see a fuck tonne of ice and penguins you’re probably in the wrong corner of the Internet.

Egypt 2022

The land of the pharaohs and so much more. We came for the ancient history and were served all of that with a side of “You want a camel? Good price!” Star gazing in the White Desert, fish bothering in the Red Sea, hot air balloon rides, sunset felucca cruises, temples, tombs, and the dessicated corpses of kings and queens. From the chaos of Cairo to the relative (with the emphasis on relative) calm of Luxor’s West Bank, Egypt has been absolutely fucking amazing.

Greece 2022

Well Greece blew me away. I sort of knew what to expect on account of researching the fuck out of it but I don’t think I realised how varied it was and how much it actually had to offer. I was worried we’d get historied out too quickly, that if anyone suggested we go look at another ancient ruin I’d have to resist the urge to throw bricks at them. But the ruins were interspersed with beaches and mountains, relaxing by the seafront with a beer or a freddo, stunning little villages, and some of the most spectacular scenery I’ve ever had the pleasure of putting in my eyeholes.

The Seychelles 2022

After we decided to fuck our LEJOG attempt off due to injury and mental health, we found ourselves with spare time and money. Our running joke when things go to shit is “should have gone to Lanzarote” but we decided to think bigger, somewhere to make us feel better about having to abandon a long hike, and ended up spunking large quantities of cash on an actual holiday for a change, rather than a whirlwind tourist adventure resulting in more fatigue than we’d started with.
The Seychelles, guys. Holy fuck. It’s exactly like you’d imagine it to be. It’s everything you’d expect from an island paradise (with the price tag to match). We were there in July, apparently the “wrong” time of year, the locals considered it cold, but with a steady temperature of 24°C we just about coped.

The Bottom Half 2022

This started as an attempt to walk from Eastbourne to Land’s End to John O Groats in a National Trail crushing extravaganza but our legs and feet made it abundantly clear that they didn’t consent to any of this and injury forced us to abandon the hike in Prestatyn. Still, 1114 miles and three National Trails back to back is pretty good going and if we ever stop walking like we’ve shat ourselves then maybe we’ll come back and finish it off.

Bite Sized Adventures In The United Kingdom

A collection of bite sized adventures that occur during that “annual leave” thing people tend to do in order to furnish their Instagram page with photos that don’t involve black and white selfies with the cat. Mostly involves being damp in a tent.

Malta 2019

Apparently you can’t just go off gallivanting around the world for several months on a whim. Something to do with jobs and responsibilities and blah blah blah. You can, however, fuck off to a tiny island nation for a week and try and fit as much in as you would on a months long trip before probably collapsing with exhaustion.

South East Asia 2017

This was the first big trip I took with the mrs and yes, we’re still together. You never know how these things will pan out do you? Okay, so we get on just fine at home sat on the sofa binge watching Star Trek whilst shovelling Doritos into our chops, but would this translate well into living in each other’s pockets for weeks at a time in Tropical heat? You learn a lot about yourself and your limits when you travel, and we learned that we function well as a team. We also learned that there will literally be no mystery left in your relationship when you’ve spent the night in very close quarters whilst one or both of you projectile your stomach contents from one end or the other.

India & Nepal 2014 – 2015

The most incredible trip in two of the most amazing countries. You can’t really prepare for India, you just have to sort of show up and try to get used to it. The noise, the chaos, the poverty. This is all offset by some of the best food you’ll ever apply liberally to your facehole, and the genuine warmth of the people. Not the ones that work in tourism though, they want all of your money and will lie to your face to get it. As for Nepal, it feels calm in comparison, and the Nepali people are so friendly, and those views! Those mountain views will take your breath away. Assuming the altitude hasn’t already done that for you.

South America 2010

I rocked up to Buenos Aires looking every inch the tourist to begin my adventure around South America, my worldly belongings strapped to my torso and the “look at me, I’m totally lost and vulnerable” look plastered across my face, able to conjugate exactly one verb in Spanish and ask someone when their birthday is. I might as well have had “Please Rob Me” tattooed on my forehead. I’ve no idea how I even made it to my hostel in one piece. What commenced was an epic eight month adventure packed with waterfalls, fried street food and leg-numbing hikes. I loved every sweaty second of it.