Travel & Shit


We thought we’d take a bit of time out to bugger off on a bit of a trip. For once I can’t really plan anything given the constantly changing face of Covid-19, so we have ideas of where we want to go but ultimately it’ll depend on vaccine validity, PCR testing, and quarantine requirements. Oh, also what state of collapse the government of our destination country is currently in might be a small factor too.

Stage 1: We walked from Eastbourne to Land’s End to Prestatyn in The Bottom Half.

Stage 2: A cheeky little two week holiday to The Seychelles. Y’know, just to rest ‘n’ shit.


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Santor-fucking-rini. Absolute stunner of an island, an island hopping must-see, but definitely not the relaxing holiday experience that Naxos was. We got scammed on accommodation, verbally abused by a bus conductor, lied to at the port, and I nearly got trampled by fucking donkeys. We were only there for three nights. Oh Naxos. I would list the ways in which I adore thee but, y'know, Instagram word limit and all that. We had the best time here and our only regret is not staying longer. If we were to do this again we'd ditch Paros in favour of more time exploring Naxos, frolicking in the Aegean, drinking wine at the campsite bar whilst being amazed every single time about how fucking huge the pours are for the price. At one point I didn't think they were going to stop pouring. I though it was going to overflow. My poor, poor liver probably doesn't love Naxos as much as I do. Yeah, I'm leading with the giant marble cock and balls atop a stand with what looks like a giant, headless rubber chicken carved into the front. It's a travesty that this sculpture didn't have an information board. A travesty I tell you! Paros got off to a shaky start, with the campsite we started off at filthy enough to send us away with several medieval diseases. Then the insane winds cancelled our excursion to another island. But once we'd moved into a room in Naoussa so fucking clean I was afraid to touch anything and we decided to replace the boat tour with a spot of quad biking around the island, shit was okay. Before the winds went utterly fucking mental on Tinos we went out on the scooter one last time to climb a mountain mere days after categorically stating to anyone who'd listen that we didn't want to do anymore hiking in Greece because it was too bastard hot. To be fair it's only a little mountain though it's pretty fucking intimidating from the ground. Also the wind had cooled the air down somewhat so it wasn't heat stroke we had to worry about so much as being blown to our deaths from the top of aforementioned mountain. We rented a scooter (sorry, mum) on Tinos so we could just bum around some of the villages. We didn't really know what to expect but it ended up being an absolute highlight.

The 10 Latest Posts

Full On Corinth Tourist

There are a couple of things worth putting in your eyeholes if you’re in Corinth, one of which is Ancient Corinth, an excavation a few kilometres from the new city of Corinth. Y’know, assuming you’re not complete over really, really…

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Back To The Mainland

I feel like ferry schedules in Greece are more of a, I don’t know, a serving suggestion perhaps? Sure, we can do this journey in 2 hours and 25 minutes. In fact that’s what we’ll advertise it as. But fucked…

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Island Hopping – Santorini Part 2

The done thing on Santorini is to put the caldera in your eyeholes from every available angle. It’s a volcanic island, there’s volcanic craters on an island in the middle of the vast bay, and the shape of the bay…

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Island Hopping – Santorini Part 1

It’s like you can’t have a really good experience on an island without it then being counteracted by the next. Santor-fucking-rini, honestly, what the actual fuck? We’d intended to stay at the campsite in Fira but the reviews were crap…

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Island Hopping – Naxos Part 2

We woke up on the Sunday and decided to nope out of any manner of immediate movement. Fuck it, it’s the Lord’s day and she’d want us to be happy and anyway, we’re on holiday. The campsite is slap bang…

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Island Hopping – Delos & Mykonos

We really, really wanted to visit Delos, a super important archealogical island close to Mykonos. What we really, really didn’t want to do was stay on Mykonos for two nights on account of it being obnoxiously expensive. The kind of…

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Island Hopping – Naxos Part 1

Oh Naxos, you absolute dream! It’s bigger than the other islands we’ve visited, more mountainous and dramatic with the kind of narrow, winding roads that trigger all manner of fear of heights as you climb higher and higher on your…

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Island Hopping – Paros

Well Paros didn’t get off to the best start did it? We weren’t originally going to come here but a last minute change of plan had us thinking fuck it, let’s have a look shall we? The ferry crossing wasn’t…

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Island Hopping – Tinos Part 2

Us: I don’t want to do any more hiking in Greece, it’s too fucking hot. Also us: Shall we climb that fuck off big mountain over yonder? I say fuck off big mountain, it’s about 640 metres and you drive…

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Island Hopping – Tinos Part 1

So Tinos turned out to be a bit of a highlight. I’m not sure what we were really expecting, we’d planned to rent a scooter (sorry, mum) and just sort of bum around a little bit, y’know? I’d found a…

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Previous Shit…

This is a blog I started in order to write shit down when I travelled so I’d remember it regardless of how many brain calls I systematically replaced with house white wine over the following years. It’s very sweary and largely self-indulgent but that’s pretty much why blogs were invented.

The Seychelles 2022

After we decided to fuck our LEJOG attempt off due to injury and mental health, we found ourselves with spare time and money. Our running joke when things go to shit is “should have gone to Lanzarote” but we decided to think bigger, somewhere to make us feel better about having to abandon a long hike, and ended up spunking large quantities of cash on an actual holiday for a change, rather than a whirlwind tourist adventure resulting in more fatigue than we’d started with.
The Seychelles, guys. Holy fuck. It’s exactly like you’d imagine it to be. It’s everything you’d expect from an island paradise (with the price tag to match). We were there in July, apparently the “wrong” time of year, the locals considered it cold, but with a steady temperature of 24°C we just about coped.

The Bottom Half 2022

This started as an attempt to walk from Eastbourne to Land’s End to John O Groats in a National Trail crushing extravaganza but our legs and feet made it abundantly clear that they didn’t consent to any of this and injury forced us to abandon the hike in Prestatyn. Still, 1114 miles and three National Trails back to back is pretty good going and if we ever stop walking like we’ve shat ourselves then maybe we’ll come back and finish it off.

Bite Sized Adventures In The United Kingdom

A collection of bite sized adventures that occur during that “annual leave” thing people tend to do in order to furnish their Instagram page with photos that don’t involve black and white selfies with the cat. Mostly involves being damp in a tent.

Malta 2019

Apparently you can’t just go off gallivanting around the world for several months on a whim. Something to do with jobs and responsibilities and blah blah blah. You can, however, fuck off to a tiny island nation for a week and try and fit as much in as you would on a months long trip before probably collapsing with exhaustion.

South East Asia 2017

This was the first big trip I took with the mrs and yes, we’re still together. You never know how these things will pan out do you? Okay, so we get on just fine at home sat on the sofa binge watching Star Trek whilst shovelling Doritos into our chops, but would this translate well into living in each other’s pockets for weeks at a time in Tropical heat? You learn a lot about yourself and your limits when you travel, and we learned that we function well as a team. We also learned that there will literally be no mystery left in your relationship when you’ve spent the night in very close quarters whilst one or both of you projectile your stomach contents from one end or the other.

India & Nepal 2014 – 2015

The most incredible trip in two of the most amazing countries. You can’t really prepare for India, you just have to sort of show up and try to get used to it. The noise, the chaos, the poverty. This is all offset by some of the best food you’ll ever apply liberally to your facehole, and the genuine warmth of the people. Not the ones that work in tourism though, they want all of your money and will lie to your face to get it. As for Nepal, it feels calm in comparison, and the Nepali people are so friendly, and those views! Those mountain views will take your breath away. Assuming the altitude hasn’t already done that for you.

South America 2010

I rocked up to Buenos Aires looking every inch the tourist to begin my adventure around South America, my worldly belongings strapped to my torso and the “look at me, I’m totally lost and vulnerable” look plastered across my face, able to conjugate exactly one verb in Spanish and ask someone when their birthday is. I might as well have had “Please Rob Me” tattooed on my forehead. I’ve no idea how I even made it to my hostel in one piece. What commenced was an epic eight month adventure packed with waterfalls, fried street food and leg-numbing hikes. I loved every sweaty second of it.