Travel & Shit


We thought we’d take a bit of time out to bugger off on a bit of a trip. For once I can’t really plan anything given the constantly changing face of Covid-19, so we have ideas of where we want to go but ultimately it’ll depend on vaccine validity, PCR testing, and quarantine requirements. Oh, also what state of collapse the government of our destination country is currently in might be a small factor too.

Stage 1: We walked from Eastbourne to Land’s End to Prestatyn in The Bottom Half.

Stage 2: A cheeky little two week holiday to The Seychelles. Y’know, just to rest ‘n’ shit.



Me: I'm totally going to put my phone away and enjoy this sunset with my eyeholes. We rented a car for the last couple of days in The Seychelles so we could get more shit done without relying on bus schedules. We checked out thevtea factory which was interesting but they wanted Rs90 for a cup of tea. That's over a fiver. I know The Seychelles is expensive but I have to draw the line somewhere and a £5 cup of tea is it. I went diving again the other day and had a wonderful time pointing my face at fish in various colours whilst still not having a fucking clue what to call them. Apart from the batfish. I know what a batfish looks like. These guys were swimming right up to us and chasing our bubbles before realising they didn't like the bubbles at all then repeating the entire three seconds several times. It hasn't been too stressful since we got to Mahé. We visited the Takamaka rum distillery which I'm not too sure my liver will forgive me for but it was a great way to kill a few hours before sprawling by the pool. Ah, La Digue. The epitome of chill. An island of very few vehicles, most of which are electric. So how does everyone get around this little slice of paradise? Fucking bicycles. I knew there had to be a trade off, I fucking hate bicycles. Half an hour on one of those bastards and I feel like I've been kicked in the arse by an angry donkey. It is, however, the most efficient way to see the island so sorry, buttocks, it had to happen. Fuck off great big tortoises are a thing that exist in The Seychelles, they're originally from the Aldabra atoll I believe but people have been keeping them as pets for years. If you jump on a boat to Curieuse Island you can see them in the wild. Well, semi wild I guess. They mostly hang out around the sanctuary bring fed leaves and getting chin scratches off tourists. You do see them chilling in the mangroves though, and wandering along the footpaths. They have the run of the island. I say run. I mean plod.

The 10 Latest Posts

Finishing Up In The Seychelles

So it turns out that driving in The Seychelles is quite the exercise in bum clenching. The islands go from sea level to actual fucking mountain quite rapidly and the only way to do this is with very steep, very…

Keep reading

Morne Seychellois National Park

We decided to rent a car for the last couple of days just so we could cram more stuff in really. Nothing too strenuous, just a little bit of sightseeing, perhaps one walking trail, mostly beaches. I’m sure the public…

Keep reading

A Bit Of Underwater Mahé

Tarrant doesn’t dive but on account of her being The Best Girlfriend In The World™ she gives no shits if I abandon her for a day to go and make bubbles. I thought twice in one holiday might be pushing…

Keep reading

A Morning In The Capital

We bussed to Victoria, the capital, on Saturday and spent the morning at the National Museum of History learning all about the history of the islands right from when it was frequented by pirates, through being claimed by France, all…

Keep reading

Takamaka Rum Distillery

It’s not been too much of a chore, being on Mahé. We arrived on the Thursday after a relatively sane ferry crossing from Praslin, everyone seemed to retain their stomach contents and I even managed to get a nap in…

Keep reading

A Day On La Digue

Ah, La Digue. The epitome of chill. An island of very few vehicles, most of which are electric. So how does everyone get around this little slice of paradise? Fucking bicycles. I knew there had to be a trade off,…

Keep reading

Giant Tortoises On Curieuse

Huge fuck off great big tortoises are a thing that exist here in The Seychelles. They’re commonly kept as pets which is amazing as long as they’re treated properly. We were told that back in the day anyone could have…

Keep reading

Butt Nuts & Beaches

Everywhere you look in The Seychelles you’ll see images of a coconut that looks suspiciously like a massive arse. It’s the nut of the Coco De Mer which only grows naturally in two places in the world; the islands of…

Keep reading

I’ve Never Been So Damn Chilled

You wouldn’t think someone with an aversion to sand would throw obnoxious quantities of cash at a beach holiday would you. I hate the tiny particles of evil but I know from experience that as long as I have access…

Keep reading

Heading To The Seychelles

We’d accidentally booked Business Class. I say accidentally, we’d started checking out flight prices to the Seychelles once we decided that we weren’t going to finish the hike and did some serious soul (and savings) searching after we saw the…

Keep reading

Previous Shit…

This is a blog I started in order to write shit down when I travelled so I’d remember it regardless of how many brain calls I systematically replaced with house white wine over the following years. It’s very sweary and largely self-indulgent but that’s pretty much why blogs were invented.

The Seychelles 2022

After we decided to fuck our LEJOG attempt off due to injury and mental health, we found ourselves with spare time and money. Our running joke when things go to shit is “should have gone to Lanzarote” but we decided to think bigger, somewhere to make us feel better about having to abandon a long hike, and ended up spunking large quantities of cash on an actual holiday for a change, rather than a whirlwind tourist adventure resulting in more fatigue than we’d started with.
The Seychelles, guys. Holy fuck. It’s exactly like you’d imagine it to be. It’s everything you’d expect from an island paradise (with the price tag to match). We were there in July, apparently the “wrong” time of year, the locals considered it cold, but with a steady temperature of 24°C we just about coped.

The Bottom Half 2022

This started as an attempt to walk from Eastbourne to Land’s End to John O Groats in a National Trail crushing extravaganza but our legs and feet made it abundantly clear that they didn’t consent to any of this and injury forced us to abandon the hike in Prestatyn. Still, 1114 miles and three National Trails back to back is pretty good going and if we ever stop walking like we’ve shat ourselves then maybe we’ll come back and finish it off.

Bite Sized Adventures In The United Kingdom

A collection of bite sized adventures that occur during that “annual leave” thing people tend to do in order to furnish their Instagram page with photos that don’t involve black and white selfies with the cat. Mostly involves being damp in a tent.

Malta 2019

Apparently you can’t just go off gallivanting around the world for several months on a whim. Something to do with jobs and responsibilities and blah blah blah. You can, however, fuck off to a tiny island nation for a week and try and fit as much in as you would on a months long trip before probably collapsing with exhaustion.

South East Asia 2017

This was the first big trip I took with the mrs and yes, we’re still together. You never know how these things will pan out do you? Okay, so we get on just fine at home sat on the sofa binge watching Star Trek whilst shovelling Doritos into our chops, but would this translate well into living in each other’s pockets for weeks at a time in Tropical heat? You learn a lot about yourself and your limits when you travel, and we learned that we function well as a team. We also learned that there will literally be no mystery left in your relationship when you’ve spent the night in very close quarters whilst one or both of you projectile your stomach contents from one end or the other.

India & Nepal 2014 – 2015

The most incredible trip in two of the most amazing countries. You can’t really prepare for India, you just have to sort of show up and try to get used to it. The noise, the chaos, the poverty. This is all offset by some of the best food you’ll ever apply liberally to your facehole, and the genuine warmth of the people. Not the ones that work in tourism though, they want all of your money and will lie to your face to get it. As for Nepal, it feels calm in comparison, and the Nepali people are so friendly, and those views! Those mountain views will take your breath away. Assuming the altitude hasn’t already done that for you.

South America 2010

I rocked up to Buenos Aires looking every inch the tourist to begin my adventure around South America, my worldly belongings strapped to my torso and the “look at me, I’m totally lost and vulnerable” look plastered across my face, able to conjugate exactly one verb in Spanish and ask someone when their birthday is. I might as well have had “Please Rob Me” tattooed on my forehead. I’ve no idea how I even made it to my hostel in one piece. What commenced was an epic eight month adventure packed with waterfalls, fried street food and leg-numbing hikes. I loved every sweaty second of it.