This started as an attempt to walk from Eastbourne to Land’s End to John O Groats in a National Trail crushing extravaganza but our legs and feet made it abundantly clear that they didn’t consent to any of this and injury forced us to abandon the hike in Prestatyn.
Still, 1114 miles and three National Trails back to back is pretty good going and if we ever stop walking like we’ve shat ourselves then maybe we’ll come back and finish it off.
BUDGET
(For one human, based on two sharing)
Days: 90
Accommodation: £909.28
Groceries: £829.57
Eating out: £570.84
Booze: £321.63
Tea, coffee, soft drinks: £138.54
Ferries, buses & trains: £136.76
Everything else: £262.07
Grand Total: £3168.49
Daily Average: £35.21
The Stories
Lands End To John O Groats… PLUS
On account of the fact the world went to shit and no one really knew if or when international travel will return to some manner of normal, we scrapped all plans to lounge on a beach somewhere beautiful and hot…
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Day 1 – Eastbourne to Firle(ish)
We’d decided to start our trip with the South Downs Way as it’s our local trail and we’ve wanted to do the whole thing for ages. We also decided to start with the Beachy Head loop on account of it…
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Day 2 – Firle(ish) to Pyecombe
I didn’t sleep well at all last night. We were pitched on a slight slope and my mat is slightly slippy and my sleeping bag is slightly slippy which meant I frequently woke up crumpled at the bottom of the…
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Day 3 – Pyecombe to Storrington
I don’t think I’ve ever woken up in a church on Good Friday before. I’m surprised a godless heathen like myself didn’t burn up as soon as I laid out my sleeping bag. I slept so bloody well though, probably…
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Day 4 – Storrington to Didling Hill
We’ve been dragging our unwilling carcasses out of bed at some ludicrously early hours, not out of any burning desire to watch the new day dawn but that’s a happy side effect. We get up early because we’re not meant…
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Day 5 – Didling Hill to Old Winchester Hill
So we had to make a decision; do we take it easy between here and Winchester and give ourselves another three days? Or do we beast through and do it in two? We only had 33 miles to go. Even…
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Day 6 – Old Winchester Hill to Winchester
The day started with large quantities of judgemental sheep glaring at us as we shuffled our way to the first trig of the day. All I wanted to do was look at a lump of concrete and they made me…
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Day 7 – Rest Day, Winchester
In an uncharacteristic show of restraint we didn’t try and cram everything in Winchester into our eyeholes in one day like the massive tourists we are. Instead we decided to be selective, and allow time for other things such as…
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Day 8 – Winchester to Southampton
Tarrant has been having problems with her feet resulting in her walking like she’d shat herself. Her Merrells started disintegrating around mile 60, and they’ve completely compressed so she has no cushioning at all which she’s very much not used…
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Day 9 – Southampton to The New Forest
Our original plan for this section was to follow the Solent Way to the coast then just follow the sea all the way into Bournemouth which sounds super lovely and idyllic but you know what? We’re going to have 630…
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Day 10 – The New Forest to Bournemouth
I slept so well last night in the woods, it’s always a little bit warmer and a little bit darker, and I feel more out of sight therefore a bit safer. Obviously there are potential perils such as a badger…
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Day 11 – Bournemouth to Dancing Ledge
Well I 100% didn’t need all that alcohol I drank last night, and I definitely felt like I had more than four drinks. This was possibly the reason it took so bloody long to get going today despite the fact…
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Day 12 – Dancing Ledge to West Lulworth
TLDR…Eyeholes: “Oh my fucking god will you JUST LOOK AT THAT VIEW?! I can’t even <3″Camera: “Meh. S’alright.”Brain: “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SO CLOSE TO THE EDGE ARE YOU INSANE?! That’s it. Sit down. You’re not going anywhere.”…
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Day 13 – Rest Day, West Lulworth
I’m so glad we decided to take today off. Not only are my poor, battered legs a bit stiff today but my arms are bloody killing me, probably from where I was using my poles to drag my unwilling carcass…
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Day 14 – West Lulworth to Osmington
Our plan today was to camp before Weymouth which would mean a super short day of ten miles or so. We didn’t really want to go further as that would commit us to going through the town then all the…
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Day 15 – Osmington to The Isle Of Portland
We fully intended to get around the whole of Portland today, emerge triumphant from the other side then head a few miles away where we thought we might be able to bag a quiet wild camp. There’d be nothing on…
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Day 16 – The Isle Of Portland to West Bexington
I’ve been getting cold at night and given the general badassery of my kit that really shouldn’t happen. I was lovely and warm when we camped at the YHA in Lulworth and it was actually colder so the only thing…
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Day 17 – West Bexington to Lyme Regis
When we camped on the cliffs at Osmington my brain took that lovely sound of the waves below crashing on the rocks and decided we were sleeping next to a motorway. Thanks, brain. Last night brain figured out we were…
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Day 18 – Lyme Regis to Branscombe Beach
We swapped the sounds of the sea for the sounds of the A35 last night but to be fair, once I’m drifting off, as long as the noise is steady my brain can’t differentiate and it lulls me to sleep…
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Day 19 – Branscombe Beach to Exmouth
I think my poor diet has finally caught up with me, you could pebble dash a wall with my arse this morning. Walking on a shingle beach is hard enough without having to do so whilst clenching, and I didn’t…
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Day 20 – Exmouth to Maidencombe
We woke up to drizzle. It wasn’t meant to be drizzling but here we were. Tarrant said I’d angered the weather gods because I said yesterday’s rain felt like they couldn’t be arsed. It’s not my fault the weather gods…
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Day 21 – Maidencombe to Torquay
Acceptably slopey is the new flat but you’ll still end up crumpled at the bottom of the tent, waking up every hour to claw your way back up your mat. I didn’t sleep too well last night, neither of us…
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Day 22 – Rest Day, Torquay
I adore camping, I really do, but I also love waking up in a nice, comfy bed. It’s also fucking lovely having a lie in because you don’t have to set an alarm on account of the fact you’re not…
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Day 23 – Torquay to Woodhuish
It’s always a nice, chilled start when we wake up somewhere we’re allowed to be and there was no risk of an angry local showing up and tearing strips off us. It was gone 8am when we finally shuffled out…
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Day 24 – Woodhuish to Beesands
We had some absolutely violent hills to start the day with. Six miles of the fuckers. I don’t know why I continue to be all confused and surprised when my legs are about to drop off only three hours into…
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Day 25 – Beesands to Soar Mill Cove
We managed to get the tent packed down with minimal sand incidents which had to be the work of a higher power given that between last night’s drizzle and the condensation inside the tent, it was soaking. Maybe I’ve just…
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Day 26 – Soar Mill Cove to Beacon Hill
We had a couple of things to actually think about today which was a bit of a shock to the grey spongy thing between my ears. Rather than just meandering and getting there when we get there we had to…
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Day 27 – Beacon Hill to Bovisand Beach
Well today can actually, quite frankly, fuck right off. I just want to get that out there from the start. It was an utter shitcunt of a day and if it could go tits up it absolutely did go tits…
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Day 28 – Bovisand Beach to Plymouth
It was meant to be sunny when we woke up but it was still very much wet and windy. Thanks, Met Office. I think we can safely ignore the weather forecast as we move closer to Cornish territory, though obviously…
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Day 29 – Plymouth to Portwrinkle
We figured we might as well have a nice, chilled start to the day, largely because literally any excuse to be a little bit lazy, plus we didn’t have to check out until 11am. We treated ourself to a lie…
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Day 30 – Portwrinkle to East Combe
Fuck my life what an awful night’s sleep. Clearly our definition of acceptably slopey is getting more and more liberal as the trail presents less and less places to camp. The slope we were on meant I didn’t even have…
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Day 31 – East Combe to Black Head
It’s amazing what a difference a flat pitch makes. I slept so well that when the alarm went off I went back to sleep which is very much a Tarrant trick. I’m usually straight up and having to periodically nudge…
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Day 32 – Black Head to Dodman Point
The hideous steps between St Austell and Mevagissey were foretold by a chap I talk to on Instagram. Aaall the way down to come aaall the way back up. They’re really quite upsetting but they’re not actually relentless (I’m looking…
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Day 33 – Dodman Point to Bohortha
Another absolute stunner of a night’s sleep but yeah nah, didn’t need any of that beer yesterday. It’s not like we drank a lot but my entire being made it very clear that my age doesn’t begin with a two…
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Day 34 – Bohortha to Falmouth
We fell asleep to the sound of the waves crashing onto the rocks far below us and woke up to birds chirping in the hedgerow we’d pitched next to. Oh, and the sound of rain belting down on the tent.…
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Day 35 – Falmouth to Carne
Well it’s rude not to have a little lie in when you’re allowed to be where you are isn’t it? Plus there was literally no point in rushing this morning. We were about ten miles from the Helford Ferry which…
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Day 36 – Carne to Black Head (nr. Coverack)
Tarrant was most unhappy about the slug to tent ratio this morning and to be honest the slime trails criss-crossing the tent even made me a bit uncomfortable. Had they all had some manner of slug orgy on our roof…
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Day 37 – Black Head (nr. Coverack) to The Lizard
Woke up dry and warm. No woodlouse took up residence in my objects. I’m calling the lookout a win. We had a look around the headland a little bit, said our goodbyes to Daniel, and off we fucked. The trail…
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Days 38 & 39 – Rest Days, The Lizard
We woke up to rain pattering down onto the tent on Friday morning and it’s almost pleasant, lying under canvas (or sil-nylon, but that doesn’t sound as romantic) listening to the rain when you don’t have to pack up in…
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Day 40 – The Lizard to Prussia Cove
God it was hard fucking work dragging ourselves out of bed at 5am after two days off but we wanted to smash some miles out today. It didn’t help that our pitch was separated from the communal fire pit by…
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Day 41 – Prussia Cove to Penberth
You know those days that are so fucking long that when you cast your dazed and weary mind back to the morning it might as well have been last fucking week? That essentially sums up today so settle in for…
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Day 42 – Penberth to Botallack
What is it about Land’s End that makes it such a thing? It’s not halfway through the South West Coast Path. It’s gorgeous but not any more gorgeous than any other given stretch of coastline around here. Yeah okay, so…
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Day 43 – Botallack to Zennor
I thought I slept last night but judging how utterly shattered I was all day it’s more likely that I woke up more times than I thought I did worrying that the wind would sweep us away to a magical…
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Day 44 – Zennor to Gwithian
I slept so well last night! Honestly, best night’s sleep in ages. The cat didn’t use the tent as a climbing frame either but it did kill and decapitate a young rabbit for us and deposited about a metre from…
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Day 45 – Gwithian to St Agnes
I still felt like shit this morning but the gut explosion I was expecting wasn’t forthcoming. I forced myself to eat a packet of Fridge Raiders but damn it, I didn’t enjoy it. I had absolutely no appetite at all…
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Day 46 – St Agnes to Newquay
We woke up this morning and evaluated how we felt. My stomach felt better, I even actually wanted breakfast rather than forcing various packaged products down my throat because if I didn’t I wouldn’t function. Tarrant’s ankles were their usual…
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Days 47 & 48 – Rest Days, Newquay
We really have done very, very little here in Newquay which was pretty much the point. There are a metric fuck tonne of things to do here from diving to surfing to coasteering but none of this is conducive to…
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Day 49 – Newquay to Trevose Head
I have no idea how we managed to get as far as we did today given the sheer amount of faffing we did this morning, plus the fact I’m hobbling like an old lady. An even older lady than I…
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Day 50 – Trevose Head to Rumps Point
We promised ourselves another chill one today. No point in pushing ourselves like we’ve done in the past, when all is said and done we’re inherently lazy. We’re not trying to set records or impress anyone. Also everything fucking hurts…
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Day 51 – Rumps Point to Trebarwith Strand
Well today was a shock to the system after the relatively flat days we’d been having. Okay yeah, so we’d been bouldering and picked our way across ankle breaking terrain and climbed some ridiculous hills but it had mostly been…
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Day 52 – Trebarwith Strand to Tintagel
We are literally the worst thru-hikers known to man. We’d never be able to do one of those time sensitive American trails where you have to complete it within a certain time window or you’ll freeze to death in a…
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Day 53 – Tintagel to Rusey Cliffs
We lay in our tent this morning listening to the rain belt down onto the sil-nylon. I’d been dying for a piss for hours but I really, really didn’t want to go out in it. I know it’s never as…
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Day 54 – Rusey Cliffs to Bude
So High Cliff wasn’t as hideous as we thought it’d be on account of the fact they’ve seen fit to carve a lovely zig-zag path up it which obviously makes it longer but less steep. There’s still the straight up…
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Day 55 – Bude to Higher Sharpnose Point
We fully intended for today to be a short day on account of the fact we fully intended to leach the electricity in Costa Coffee until our powerbanks were fully charged. They’re pretty badass, they go from dead to full…
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Day 56 – Higher Sharpnose Point to Titchberry
It was overcast and muggy as fuck today. We packed up and reluctantly tore ourselves away from our lovely camp spot and made our way down the hill. I’ll take the muggy over the searing sunshine of yesterday though, this…
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Day 57 – Titchberry to Peppercombe
It was off and on pissing rain all night last night, the kind that wakes you up because it blasts down suddenly like someone had taken a power hose to your tent, so neither of us slept really well. The…
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Day 58 – Peppercombe to Appledore
We woke up in our nice, dry bothy and packed away as the rain pattered down. I was quietly smug that we’d stayed here last night and now didn’t have to pack the tent down in the rain. I was…
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Day 59 – Appledore to Braunton
Me: “Well that hill can fuck right off! Far too big and steep and and and… hilly!”Also me: “Ugh, fuck my life this is so flat and tedious. God I’m so bored. I wish there was a fucking hill or…
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Day 60 – Rest Day, Braunton
We fully intended to bag a trig about a mile and a half up a fuck off big hill today but my poor feet were still battered. They were all puffy and sore, no way was I moving off this…
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Day 61 – Braunton to Bull Point
It’s sort of the law to have a lazy morning when you wake up at a campsite or a B&B or basically anywhere that you slept legally. We enjoyed unfettered access to our respective caffeine sources, charged our shit up,…
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Day 62 – Bull Point to Trentishoe
The first part of today was fucking lovely albeit a little cow infested. There was plenty of flat that you could get a pace up on insomuch as various injuries would permit, and the hills were the perfect level of…
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Day 63 – Trentishoe to Culbone
Last night’s pitch was actually okay despite reservations we’d end up crumpled at the bottom of the tent, or our pegs would trip someone up. No-one actually walked by and it turned out to be perfectly acceptably slopey. We were…
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Day 64 – Culbone to Minehead
Today’s the day! We’re going to smash out the last twelve miles of the South West Coast Path! Straight there, no faffing! We packed the tent down whilst trying to swallow as few tiny flies as possible and made our…
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Day 65 – Minehead to Nettlecombe
Obviously we didn’t leave Minehead until gone 11am, if you give us a check out time then damn right we’ll cling onto that room as long as we can. Plus everything we were meant to do yesterday got replaced with…
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Day 66 – Nettlecombe to Merridge
Neither of us slept well on our slopey woodland pitch last night. I kept sliding down my slippy mat in my slippy sleeping bag and what the fuck is it with technical sleeping gear that it always has to be…
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Day 67 – Merridge to Bridgwater
Every time I lay down last night enough snot to flood Wales seeped out of my left nostril so I resorted to plugging it up with tissue. That helped and I slept the sleep of the dead. We’d pitched very…
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Day 68 – Rest Day, Cheddar
Sleep was on and off last night on account of not being able to breathe through my nose and continously waking up in a pool of my own drool. God, Tarrant is a lucky woman. The YHA had agreed to…
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Days 69 to 73 – Rest Days, Mostly Weston-super-Mare
We were only meant to stay in Weston-super-Mare for a couple of nights but the constant accommodation hopping had wiped me out and the one, single, actual day of rest we got wasn’t going to cut it. We arrived on…
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Day 74 – Bridgwater to Washbrook
We finally got our shit together this morning, bussed from our hotel back into Bridgwater and restarted the trail where we left off at the train station. Right then. Four more days and we should be starting the Offa’s Dyke…
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Day 75 – Washbrook to Clevedon
We woke up having not been trampled by cows which is always a nice thing to wake up to, and when we crossed into the next field we were treated to actual eyehole fodder which I don’t believe had been…
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Day 76 – Clevedon to Cribbs Causeway
I genuinely have no idea how I’m going to squeeze a blog post out of today, it was just a 14.9 mile plod. It was more of a chore than anything, a way to get from A to B. We’d…
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Day 77 – Cribbs Causeway to Chepstow
Right then! Onwards to Wales! We very reluctantly tore ourselves away from the wonderful Mollie’s Motel this morning and veered towards McDonald’s for breakfast. Don’t look at me like that, I absolutely and unashamedly fucking love a Macca’s brekky. I…
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Day 78 – Chepstow to Monmouth
On account of the fact it seems we’re fair weather campers these days, we ended up walking a few miles further than we intended today. We were only about a mile and three quarters from the Offa’s Dyke trail marker…
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Day 79 – Monmouth to Pandy
Last night as we sat in the restaurant shovelling a particularly good biriyani into our chops we decided that we’d preempt our desire for a room tomorrow night and called a place in Pandy that kept cropping up in our…
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Day 80 – Pandy to Hay-On-Wye
We’d asked Mary if we could have breakfast at 7.30am and she delivered. We walked downstairs and she was in the process of drowning various parts of a dead pig in oil for us. My arteries hardened just watching it.…
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Day 81 – Rest Day, Hay-on-Wye
I dozed off and on this morning waiting for a break in the rain so I could make a break for the toilets but I swear, every time I thought it had stopped and sat up it resumed pattering down…
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Day 82 – Hay-On-Wye to Kington
Oh dear gosh, today was difficult. I didn’t feel too bad at first but you know how sometimes a hangover creeps slowly in like little tendrils of doom across your brain? Pretty much that. There weren’t many hills and they…
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Day 83 – Kington to Knighton
As soon as we left Kington we were waking up a right bastard of a relentless hill. You know those ones that aren’t too steep but they just don’t give up? Yeah. That. The eyehole fodder was very much worth…
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Day 84 – Knighton to Brompton Crossroads
We knew today was generally accepted to be most difficult section of the Offa’s Dyke Path and we thought we were ready for it. Dear reader, we were not. It did not fuck about, the minute we left our campsite…
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Day 85 – Brompton Crossroads to Buttington
Just a nice, short day today. An uneventful jaunt across a lot of farmland with pretty hills in the background. It was largely flat for the first part too, aside from one surprise hill which annihilated my poor, abused calf…
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Day 86 – Buttington to Selattyn
I’m not going to lie, we skipped 6¼ miles of the Offa’s Dyke Path today and I regret nothing. I’d read in a Facebook group that this section was full of feisty bullocks head butting and trying to mount each…
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Day 87 – Selattyn to Llangollen
It was already too hot by 8am today and we had many hills to get up. I could solve world drought with the amount of fluid pouring from my face. We’d had a lovely horsefly free day yesterday but they…
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Day 88 – Llangollen to Llandegla
Today was actually quite enjoyable for a few reasons. Firstly, the variety. We started off with the classic, lush, green Welsh hills, then it suddenly got wilder with scree covered slopes rising up above us up the right and sweeping…
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Day 89 – Llandegla to Bodfari
The alarm went off at 4.30 this morning, before the bastard rooster even had a chance to wake us up. There’d been a lot of roosters recently, sleep had generally been forcibly ended early for the last few days but…
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Day 90 – Bodfari to Prestatyn
The original plan was to get to Prestatyn around 3pm, check into our hotel for showers and to abandon our backpacks then finish the trail bagless and in flip flops and ready to pour obnoxious quantities of prosecco into our…
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Until Next Time
I will absolutely class the South West Coast Path as one of my most favourite things I’ve ever done. I’m not saying I loved every footstep, obviously I had bad days, we both did. You can’t have a good day…
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Travel & Shit 