I have no idea how we managed to get as far as we did today given the sheer amount of faffing we did this morning, plus the fact I’m hobbling like an old lady. An even older lady than I currently am. Obviously we had to have breakfast at the B&B, it was included and I’m quite sure there are laws against turning down free food. After we’d packed up and said our goodbyes to our hosts and their three staffies off we fucked to the running shop around the corner.

Tarrant was desperate for new shoes, the Merrells she got in Torquay had already lost their shape and weren’t supporting her feet. I could probably fashion something from soggy cardboard and bits of chewing gum I found on the street for her and it’d do a better job. Also it turned out her right foot is now mysteriously a whole size bigger than her left foot so she was wearing the wrong size anyway.

Just as we got that sorted I managed to break a stupid hiking pole so I just replaced both of them. I hate those Fitzans anyway, they always get stuck and I can’t extend them. It was because I went at them with a pair of pliers in an effort to unstick them that I managed to break them anyway. I mean, I’m so fucking fed up of replacing kit but I’m not sad to see the back of them.

Right! It was 10.40am and we were finally back on the trail, fully intending to take it easy. We both felt rested but my knee wasn’t happy about any of this. Town was already filling up with humans and we still had a lot of Newquay to get through. What doesn’t help around here is the complete lack of waymarks so we had to rely on our map which led us to a dead end thanks to a detour that the trail kept a secret until we got there. Oh. Good. Happy that we walked all the way around headland we didn’t need to.

As part of our doctor (doctorate in bullshit) prescribed plan to break ourselves back into the trail gently we decided to get ice cream which you’d think would be a piece of piss on the Cornish coast, and it is for me, and also if you’re a dog, but if you can’t have dairy then it’s tough titties, sweetheart. How is it easier to get ice cream for your furry faced four legged buddy than it is if you have dietary requirements? We did eventually find some tiny tubs of the shit in Mawgan Porth. That scratched an itch. Definitely going to need more relatively soon though.

Good job we’d fortified ourselves with sugar given that the trail suggested, nay, insisted that we walk across the beach at Mawgan Porth. Walking on sand is enough of a bitch but it’s half term, the beach was packed, we had to dodge windbreaks and parasols and small children digging large holes. Like, really fucking massive holes the size of bear traps! How does something so tiny dig something so big with a plastic spade? If an adult were to dig something that size there’d need to be a full risk assessment and mandated rest breaks.

There were some very sexy chunks of corrugated earth crust today. So much eyehole fodder. The problem with this country (apart from Brexit, unaffordable housing, the cost of living crisis, and Boris fucking Johnson) is the fact we don’t know how to market rocks. We should take a leaf out of Australia’s books. Give them a cute collective name like the Three Amigos. It doesn’t matter if there’s not three of them, never let accuracy get in the way of tourism, there aren’t twelve apostles either. Splash them all over a glossy brochure, build a viewing platform, boom. People will be gagging to put these specific rocks in their eyeholes and they won’t quite be able to work out why.

The trail today was so lovely and flat which meant that even us, with our lower limbs rebelling at every available opportunity, could get a pace up. Obviously my right foot took umbridge to all of this shenanigans, the other day as we were walking into Newquay it started really hurting, right in the arch. I thought a couple of days rest might appease it but nope! We were a few miles in when the pain started again and Nurofen Plus doesn’t seem to touch it. Oh well. The joys of hiking in your 40’s I guess. I’ll just try and walk it into submission like I do everything else.

We plodded over swathes of flat land which gave way to a surprise campsite which wasn’t on any of our maps, then a big caravan park which was. We stopped for an early dinner as I was flagging a bit by this point. Turns out my appetite had gone again. I ate like I was raised by wolves in Newquay, I can only assume that my stomach isn’t happy with what I’m offering it, it no longer considers Pot Noodle appropriate nutrition, the snob.

We might have to work some extra proper meals into our budget rather than shit rendered edible with boiling water so I can actually eat rather than stare forlornly at what passes for dinner when you refuse to put actual food in your pot. Maybe I need to change my cookset so I can cook food rather than just heat water. Maybe I simply need to win lotto so I can pay a personal chef to follow us around, preparing gourmet meals to order.

We weren’t intending to get as far as Trevose Head but by the time we’d cleared the last house we were pretty much there. Just before you get to the lighthouse there’s a big expanse of flatty flat flat so that’s where we stuck the tent, bashing pegs in with a rock. There’s a little grassy bit around the corner if you have a one human tent but our majestic two human beast requires more space to spread out and fit my fat arse inside it.

The National Trust car park was just above where we camped and people were there until about 10pm chatting, playing music, probably watching the fiery skyball fuck off. It’s been ages since we’ve seen a sunset, it’s happening way past our bedtime at the moment. I do love a fiery skyball display but at the moment I think I love sleep a little bit more.

STATS
Day: 49
Day on South West Coast Path: 39
Day on LEJOG: 8
Distance walked today: 15.3 miles
Total walked so far: 655.46 miles
Weather: Sunny all day.
Trigs bagged: 0
Trigs to date: 39
“Have you read ‘The Salt Path?'” (Running Total): 7

Useful shit to know…

---

Newquay, Cornwall to Trevose Head, Cornwall, England

Stayed at: Wild camp near the lighthouse

Useful shit to know…

• Toilets obviously exist in Newquay if you happen to be in possession of a 20p coin. Also Porth, Watergate and Treyarnon Bay. The National Trust toilets at Carnewas Tea Rooms are free to use. Constantine Bay want a whopping 50p to desecrate their facilities, but they were out of order when we were there.
• You pass plenty of cafés for water refills, a couple of streams, and the YHA at Treyarnon Bay has a drinking water tap outside.
• Vegan ice cream can be found at Cornish Fresh in Mawgan Porth.

BUDGET for one person (based on two sharing)
Ice cream: £2
Toilet: £0.20
Grand Total: £2.20