I’d struggled to find a lot of information on how to get to the various areas in the Miraflor Nature Reserve. The Lonely Planet, increasingly a source of useless bullshit, insisted that accommodation should be booked through Treehuggers. Of course the Treehuggers website wholeheartedly agreed with them and all my research kept bringing me back to them so we thought fuck it. Path of least resistance, we’ll go and have them “tailor make” our trip for us like their website promised.

“Three bus routes!” it claimed, “three climates, eight communities, 16 homestays!” Which obviously implied a bit of discussion as to what we were looking for in our Miraflor adventure but in the end he just told us where we’d be staying and sent us off into the cloud forest, the Zona Alta, to stay at a finca we could have, it turned out, booked ourselves on Booking.com. The prices on the Treehuggers website are also vastly out of date and when we asked about a guide for a walk in the area they told us to speak to our host so I’m starting to think they might have been the gatekeepers of Miraflor back in the day but they’re slowly becoming obsolete.

Despite Treehuggers not being quite what we expected, Miraflor was everything we wanted it to be. We stumbled off the bus after nearly two hours rumbling along unsealed roads as it heaved and struggled up hills. A couple of times I wondered if we should offer to get out and push but I’m not in much better nick than the chicken buses these days. The road to our finca offered a few places to stay. It was about a 30 minute walk to Fuente De Vida, we were very pleased we’d left most of our shit in Estelí because fuck carting everything we owned up and down these hills. We rocked up and were welcomed by a lovely woman who spoke English.

We didn’t do much that afternoon, just had a wander around a trail behind the farm with bananas and coffee just freely growing wherever they damn well pleased. We asked about beer and were told we could go to Finca Isla Ometepe or Finca Neblina del Bosque. The former was having a bit of a party, I think it’s where the locals come to drink because we saw them necking beers then a bit later they rode off somewhere on a motorbike. Possibly home, possibly a ditch. Who knows? We opted for the latter, partially because it was a bit more chill, partially for that sweet, sweet WiFi. We’d do something Miraflory tomorrow.

And we did! We hired a guide, a lovely lad called Carlos who only spoke Spanish but did so slowly and patiently. We used a lot of Google Translate. Usually they take you to a waterfall then a viewpoint but you don’t need a guide for that so we figured we’d do that ourselves in the afternoon. Instead he took us on a big loop via a different viewpoint in search of birds and monkeys. It was a nice walk at a nice pace, none of this bolting off into the distance whilst I sweated and panted after them turning increasingly red.

It didn’t take long to spot monkeys either, a big group of them with an absolutely massive male whose balls hung so low I thought he’d trip up over them. He was loud too, a motorbike went past as we were watching them and that proper set him off. Carlos called them mono congo but a bit of a Google search later and we think they’re howler monkeys in English.

We didn’t see a huge amount of other things but it was a really good walk. Carlos pointed out fields of crops, mostly potatoes, but there were tomatoes and cabbage too. They can grow different stuff down where it’s warmer but their spuds aren’t as good so suck it, Zona Baja! We also learned that the Spanish for the banyan trees that strangle the fuck out of other trees is matapalo, or at least that’s what they call them around here. Carlos is actually from El Salvador and it turns out that despite them speaking the same language they do have different names for some shit. Well thanks for making it easy, Spanish language!

We got to Mirador Los Apantes which is a platform by some guy’s house with what can only be described as absolutely sweepingly stunning eyehole fodder. We got 4G up there too so we had to try really hard to leave our phones alone and enjoy the view. We hung out there for a while until Carlos lead us through this guy’s farm much to the chagrin of his dogs. He was literally undoing barbed wire fences and leading us across random fields as floppy eared cows eyed us suspiciously. This is why you need a guide, largely so you know which fence you’re going to completely ignore and climb through.

By the time we got back we were the disgusting, sweaty messes you’d expect two aging, unfit lesbians to be when you send them out into the humid cloud forest in the blazing sunshine. We had some lunch, chatted to a Swiss couple who were also staying there, then dragged ourselves off to the Poza La Pila waterfall. Check us out going places in the afternoon that aren’t the pub! It’s not a long walk but it’s very much downhill which obviously means very much uphill on the way back but we were brave little soldiers and we trooped on, joined by a dog from a house we’d walked past.

Okay so this must be a thing here because last night two of the big collies from Finca Neblina del Bosque walked us all the way home last night then just hung out with us. We were worried our host would be annoyed but she gave no fucks, she was just like, yeah they’re the neighbour’s dogs, and carried on with her night. Now this guy was escorting us down the hill and we know he was with us partially because he kept stopping and pointedly looking at us as if he was wondering what the fuck was taking us so long (knees, mate. The answer is our knees) but mostly because he came right to the falls and just chilled as we dangled our feet in the water and enjoyed the view.

You can absolutely swim in these falls but we’d not brought our swimming kit. There were a couple of blokes washing their clothes in the plunge pool when we arrived, this seems to be the done thing if you live near water in Nicaragua, and it turned out one bloke was bollock naked having his daily wash. We didn’t realise this until we walked around the corner and his mate threw him his boxers. Oops. Sorry buddy, we’ll just stare at this wall until you put your penis away.

We didn’t hang around for long, the guys kept pestering us about going for a swim and I might have jumped in in my grundies if they’d gone but I’m far too self conscious to expose that much flesh to strangers, especially strangers who, for some bizarre reason, really really wanted us to go for a swim. We just went the “No hablo español” route until the Swiss couple showed up and we left the talking to them.

Then yes, we went to the pub. What? It had been a hot, busy day and we wanted to hydrate with a bottle of Toña. Actually we wanted to hydrate with a bottle of Victoria Clásica which is a superior beer but apparently no one told Miraflor. Our dog left us at his house and the gorgeous little dog he lived with took up the escorting duties. I feel like the dogs think we’ll get lost without them. It’s like, “Unescorted human! Quick, make sure they don’t get attacked by a cat or a particularly large leaf or something!”

Or a frog. On our second night it absolutely pissed it down and a frog launched itself at Tarrant’s leg. I’m not sure who was more terrified, her or the frog, but it wasn’t the frog that let out an almighty shriek you could probably hear in Estelí. If you’re not fond of flying bugs, massive moths, frogs or dogs then this is not the holiday for you and there were definitely more spiders knocking around than I was comfortable with but it’s such a lovely place just to be so I forgive it. I’d come here again.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Miraflor Nature Reserve, Estelí Department, Nicaragua

Stayed at: Finca Fuente de Vida, Miraflor

Useful shit to know…

• Three buses a day head to the area we stayed in at 5.45am, 11.45am and 3.45pm from Cotran Norte.
• The bus will say “Miraflor Yali” on the front.
• It took an hour and 45 minutes along a rough road and cost C$45.
• Ask to get down at La Rampla which is around 13.247015, -86.246237 then head down the road the bus doesn’t continue down.
• There are several fincas that you can stay at down this road.
• Finca Neblina del Bosque is the first one you come to, it has a bar (Toña for C$55) and WiFi. They have a sign offering three meals, coffee and a room for US$30 pppn. If you’re not staying there you can still have a drink and use the WiFi.
• Finca Lindos Ojos has three cabins. We walked past and it looked very quiet and out of the way if that’s the vibe you’re looking for.
• Finca Ometepe Island doesn’t seem to have accommodation but they do have a bar and had a bit of a party happening on the Sunday night.
• We stayed at Finca Fuente de Vida which is really chilled, more of a homestay vibe. Our host spoke English.
• The food was good, we were never hungry, and they were really good with Tarrant’s dairy intolerance.
• Filtered water is provided.
• The room had mosquito nets, towels and blankets.
• We booked through Treehuggers and it cost us US$35 each including three meals.
• You can actually book places to stay on Booking.com and other platforms, you don’t have to go through Treehuggers, but then I don’t think food would be included.
• We arranged our guide through our host. He cost C$720 or US$20 for both of us for a three hour walk. He only speaks Spanish but he’s careful to speak slowly and if you don’t understand he’ll try to explain a different way. We used a lot of Google Translate.
• Mirador Los Apantes cost C$20 each payable to the chap at the farmhouse next to it.
• Poza la Pila waterfall also cost C$20, payable to the house on the right before you head through the gate to the waterfall. You don’t need a guide to go to the waterfall.
• The weather up there is very changeable. It was hot the day we arrived (not as hot as Estelí) and stayed hot the whole of the next day, then it rained really heavily for most of the night, and the following morning was cool and needed a jumper. Nights are chilly. It’s actually a very welcome reprieve from the furnace that is the rest of Nicaragua.
• There’s very little to zero coverage with Claro in the area (though we got good 4G at the mirador we went to). You can get signal with Tigo.
• To get back to Estelí there are three buses a day going past La Rampla at 7.15am, 11.30am and 4.15pm. Our host recommended that we get there half an hour before as the schedules are flexible.

• If you don’t like flying bugs, huge moths, frogs or dogs this is not the trip for you.
• If you have a chance to leave most of your stuff in Estelí and just take what you need then I would recommend that, especially if you’re staying a bit further away from La Rampla. As we booked with Treehuggers we were able to leave our big packs there and just take a day pack.
• There’s a one-off US$3 entry charge for the Nature Reserve which we paid at Treehuggers. We didn’t come across any entry barriers or ticket offices so if you were to go independently in not sure where you’d pay this or if you would. Perhaps at your accommodation?
• Treehuggers aren’t actually as helpful as we thought they’d be. Rather than discussing which of the three climates we wanted to visit, or the type of place we wanted to stay we were told we’d be visiting the highest one and we’d be staying in this specific place. It worked out just fine but I did think there’d be more of a discussion. Another couple we met who speak excellent Spanish said they weren’t very helpful either and couldn’t really tell them what there was to do once they were there. Their website is also completely out of date.