People usually day trip the Somoto Canyon from Estelí but it’s spitting distance to the border with Honduras (so close my phone network couldn’t decide if we were in Nicaragua or Honduras and kept sending roaming texts) so it just made more sense for us to pack our shit up and stay for a couple of nights. One of the tour agencies, Somoto Canyon Tours, has basic accommodation at the start/end of the canyon so we figured we’d go with those guys, plus the bus to la frontera stops right outside so it was pretty much perfect.

It’s a nice place to stay too. Very rustic, the evening’s entertainment was hanging in the hammocks watching a fuck off great big toad eat bugs. He was an absolute unit! I’m surprised there were any bugs left in Somoto once he was finished. It was also an excellent night’s sleep, not too bastard hot even under the mozzie nets. We definitely made the right choice coming here.

This tour though! There were three of us to start with; us and another English woman. We got up and shuffled to the attached comedor for a spot of brekky. We’d decided not to cook for ourselves and instead we’d hurl copious amount of cash at them so all we had to do was show up and eat. It was a good breakfast too, gallo pinto, eggs and fried plantain. Everything you need before launching yourself down a canyon full of water. After breakfast we were given some still-damp shoes and we jumped on the 8am bus for about three kilometres to where we’d be starting.

We walked past a campsite and I started to get camping envy until I remembered our stint up Telica and the fact it pissed down last night. I mean, the more rain the better for the canyon but I think I’m happy with actual roofs whilst the Rainy Season gets underway. We followed the river on land for a short while, it’s really beautiful, then we got to a section where we were meant to just be up to our waists but we all pretty much stacked it on hidden rocks. Fuck it, we’re here to get wet and it’s actually easier to just swim than try to pick your way over unseen obstacles.

The canyon started getting more canyony. We thought the first bit was pretty but the walls started to creep skyward and the wow factor only increased. The swimming though, that was my favourite bit. I fucking love being in the water. We had to walk on land for about 40 minutes and he pointed out bee hives and bats as we schlopped through mud and stumbled over rocks, but even these bits were great. Apart from the spiders, they can fuck right off. They were massive but even worse they were almost perfectly camouflaged against the rocks so you didn’t see them until you nearly put your hand on the fuckers. Ugh.

We stopped for a snack where the Rio Tapacali, the river coming through Nicaragua that we’d been following, met up with the Rio Comali from Honduras and became the Rio Coco. This snakes all the way through Nicaragua and eventually forms part of the border with Costa Rica. It wasn’t long after this where we met our fourth group member, another English woman doing the four hour tour who actually used to live in Seven Dials in Brighton and we’ve probably seen her down the Co-op. Small world.

The bit we just did is very much worth the extra US$5 but shit got ultra real now. There was more swimming and a little bit of making our way into small rapids and just letting them take us. Our guide was great though, he assessed every section and decided if it was going to be safe to float or if we needed to traverse some rocks. He was actually a fucking legend and a genuine delight, he seemed to be having as much fun as we were and pissed himself laughing as we bounced on rocks and the water swallowed us up. To be fair we retaliated by swallowing a fair bit of water but not entirely by choice.

He’d get into the water, position himself, tell us to keep left or right or wherever then off he’d fuck to wait for us so he could catch us. It’s cute he thinks we can steer. I have exactly zero control over my own body, it generally does what it wants. More often than not we just formed chains to grab people as they bobbed past. I nearly got swept away once but I was reeled in in plenty of time but at one point I was nearly lost to the watery abyss.

I tried to get my feet down but between the life jacket and my complete lack of coordination every single cell remained stubbornly buoyant and the water started to sweep me away as I flailed uselessly like a stuck tortoise. Our guide had to grab me by the foot and drag me back in. I was fine, I was having a great time, I don’t think I quite understood the gravity of the situation. He was laughing because that’s just his default state but he did say his heart was thumping. How do you explain to your boss that one of your tourists got dashed against the rocks and their brain matter is off down the Rio Coco halfway to Costa Rica?

If you want to do some jumps along the way you can if you’re a complete mad bastard but they’re all optional apart from one and that wasn’t too trying. I’m not good with jumping off rocks into water. I used to be but that was fifteen years ago when I was completely unaware of my own mortality. Show me a cliff jump now and my brain will cycle through every possible way I could slip and shatter some part of myself on the gorgeous scenery. I jumped. It was fine. I didn’t even get too much water up my nose which was a bonus.

At another section he decided it wasn’t safe to float just there so we scrambled along the side to where he thought it was doable. He did warn us we might hit our arses on some rocks but mine is well padded so I was going to be fine. I managed to miss them all but the last one, but I did disappear under the water for long enough to wonder if this was my life now and I’d have to grow gills. The last section was long and still and there was an optional lancha, a small boat, if we wanted it but none of us did. We just slid back into the water and half swam, half waded to the last little bit which was a traumatic slog up a hill no-one bloody mentioned at the start.

What an epic way to finish off our Nicaragua adventure though. The activity itself was incredible and an absolute metric shit tonne of fun but the setting was just fantastic. The canyon just got deeper as we made our way along and there was plenty of time to appreciate it in between introducing the Rio Coco to our digestive systems. I’d do this again, and I’d probably stay at the cabins again too because they’re just a lovely, peaceful place to be of an evening. We’re off to El Salvador tomorrow so that’ll be another adventure. A sweaty, multi-bus adventure.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Somoto Canyon, Madriz Department, Nicaragua

Stayed at: Somoto Canyon Tours, Somoto Canyon

Useful shit to know…

• It should take about two hours to get from Estelí to Somoto and it cost C$46 each.
• You go from Cotran Norte. They’re more or less hourly I believe.
• From Somoto you can take regular buses to the canyon and the border with Honduras. I’m not sure how much it would be as we were picked up by the agency we booked with.
• We booked in advance with Somoto Canyon Tours.
• You can WhatsApp an Englishman, Brian, on +50557919556 in English or Nicaraguan, Henry, on +50586107642 in Spanish.
• We opted to stay in their dorm room but they also have doubles available.
• You can cook for yourself if you want. The traditional kitchen is free but it’s a dollar a day to use the gas.
• We decided to just use the attached comedor which was way above your usual Nica prices but that’s the cost of laziness.
• We paid US$5 for breakfast and US$6.50 for dinner. Lunch was included with the canyon tour and it was a proper lunch too, not a soggy sandwich or anything.
• We went for the six hour tour for US$35 and it’s well worth the extra fiver.
• The guide has an excellent dry bag you can put your things in and this particular company provides shoes so you don’t have to get yours wet.
• You can day trip this from Estelí and many people do.
• You could probably do it alone if you had experience in this sort of thing but I’m not sure it’s something I’d attempt without a guide. You’d need to know exactly what you were doing, it’s not a casual stroll and there’s a real risk of drowning.
• If you want to go it alone we just took a public bus to about 13.436631, -86.699517 then walked to the river and followed it downstream to about 13.45403, -86.687889 then walked back to where we were staying.
• We picked a woman up who was only doing the four hour tour around 13.453493, -86.703592. If you just wanted to do this you could probably take a bus to around 13.446488, -86.692515 then there’s a trail marked on Maps.ME to the river.
• Once you leave Somoto proper there’s more or less bugger all signal with Claro. You’ll probably have more luck with Tigo around here.