Roatan was amazing but fuck me, it was expensive. We fled to Utila which is more aimed at backpackers rather than American tourists more my age with a bit more disposable income. I mean, it’s not dirt cheap but it’s nice to be paying L45 for a bottle of Salva Vida at a bar rather than the L80 we were paying on Roatan. Utila is definitely less polished and a bit more chaotic and you’ll spend a lot of time dodging scooters, quad bikes and golf carts driven by people in questionable states of sobriety, but we didn’t hate it. I’m not going to lie, we didn’t love it either. I thought it would be more our vibe but maybe we’re getting old because we preferred West End on Roatan. There. I said it.

You can get pretty cheap baleadas here though which are rapidly becoming our staple. All hail Mama Rosa’s and the absolute units of baleadas they sell there. They’re kind of like tacos except they’re baleadas and they’re Honduran so shush! Corn flour tortillas stuffed with pretty much whatever you want but traditionally it’s bean paste, crumbled cheese and cream. Great for me, less great for my dairy intolerant beloved but as I say, you can ask to have that left out and just have, I don’t know whatever hasn’t been constructed from congealed nipple juice.

So we’d allocated three days for me to go diving, a day to do fuck all beyond draping ourselves over a sunsprawler, and two days to explore the island. The diving was good in that it was diving and I love diving and any diving is great diving. It was very similar to Roatan which is fucking lovely, the coral is marvellous and we saw some cool fish. You can see from the photos how beautiful it is despite the poor viz but that’s just the time of year. I hassled the fuck out of blue tangs, shrimp, barracuda and angel fish, and we were even treated to a couple of eagle rays which are one of my new favourite things to put in my eyeholes.

The big difference between here and Roatan is that you’re mostly diving with people who’ve literally just qualified so they’re all arms and no buoyancy control. I’ve lost count of the times I took a fin or a hand to the face. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure I looked like I was fighting off dragons when I first qualified too, it’s just frustrating when you’re doing your best to stay out of everyone’s way but they end up nearly running you into the reef anyway. It just means you have to concentrate less on your lovely dive and more on avoiding everyone else.

Anyway, I did my three days of diving and I’m not chomping at the bit to do any more here. The dive sites aren’t much different from each other and seriously, where are all the fish? There are some and they’re very cool but honestly, you’d really expect more. I wasn’t super impressed with Underwater Vision either, the staff were wonderful but any specific requests from staff or fun divers are firmly disregarded by the captain. I’ll save my dolla dolla bills for the eyewateringly expensive Belize.

We didn’t do a huge amount more on Utila to be fair. We took a boat to Neptune’s restaurant to spend an afternoon eating food and drinking beer on a sunbed which is probably one of my favourite things to do. The reef is right there too, you barely even need to swim to it. Just slap on a mask and snorkel and off you fuck. We did have a look but again, the glaring absence of marine life meant that once you’ve seen the coral you’re pretty much done and you can go back to your sunbed for your tasty cold motor impairment beverage.

I can’t finish this post without mentioning the sandflies because I’ve been utterly savaged by the little fuckers. With the notable exception of Little Corn Island it feels like the whole Caribbean Coast is infested with sandflies. It’s like here, have this gorgeous slice of paradise and all it’ll cost you is YOUR LITERAL BLOOD!! Sandfly bites just hit different. They don’t seem to start itching until 24 hours after the little shits had a nibble and let’s face it, I’m going to hack the top off them. There’s no point in pretending I’m not going to, my legs resemble the surface of the moon with all the craters I’ve dug into them, the only way to combat the itch is obviously to remove all the skin. I’m currently a walking, seeping pus puddle. Tarrant is a lucky, lucky lady.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Utila, Islas de la Bahía, Honduras

Stayed at: Underwater Vision, Utila

Useful shit to know…

How To Get From West End, Roatan To Utila

• You can take a minibus from West End to Coxen Hole.
• They’re pretty frequent, pick one up along the road to the south west of the little roundabout.
• You’re looking for the minivans with “Coxen Hole – Sandy Bay – West End” written on the front.
• It cost L30 each and took half an hour.
• We could have gotten off on the highway and walked along a bit, hindsight is 20/20, but we went into the town and got down at 16.315816, -86.537638 where there was a row of minivans.
• We walked to 16.314701, -86.536611 and waited a while for a minivan with “Coxen Hole – Oak Ridge” written on the front and got on that. They don’t seem as frequent as the other buses.
• We asked the driver to let us down at the Utila ferry. It cost L25 each and took about ten minutes.
• If you have time to kill there’s an air conditioned cafe with toilets in the petrol station opposite the entrance to Utila Dream.
• Utila Dream run ferries from Roatan to Utila at 2pm every day.
• It cost L800 each and took about 70 minutes.
• Once you’re in Utila the chances are you’re staying walking distance from the dock. If not there will be tuk tuks waiting.

Diving On Utila

• It’s touted as one of the cheapest places in the world to learn to dive.
• Course prices usually include full equipment rental, two free fun dives, and a free dorm bed for the duration of your course.
• Not all accommodations are equal so do your homework.
• We opted for Underwater Vision as they have a shared kitchen.
• They have accommodation ranging from dorms to suites, they’re all discounted on days you dive.
• Fun dives get cheaper per dive the more you do.

How To Get To Neptune’s On Utila

• Get yourself to Coral View Beach Resort.
• You can walk it but it’s about 3kms in the bastard heat, or you can take a tuk tuk for L50 per person.
• Turn right when you get to a big sign for Coral View.
• Walk to the end of a short, dirt track and you’ll see a hut with laminated signs advising you of the boat schedule and costs.
• They’re every hour on the hour between 9am and 5pm.
• It costs L50 each for a round trip. This will be added to your bill at Neptune’s and you’ll be given a ticket to give to the boat captain on your return.
• When you’re ready to return the boats leave every hour on the half hour between 9.30am and 5.30pm.
• You can’t take your own food or drink to Neptune’s which is fair enough, they’re a restaurant.
• Be prepared to walk back. The only tuk tuks waiting had been ordered by people and by the time we started passing potential tuk tuks we could hail we were already halfway back.

• English is widely spoken on Utila but there are a few shops where you’ll need a bit of Spanish.