I’ve fucked about with the timelines here. I actually dived the local reef at Caye Caulker before I went to the Blue Hole then I went to Esmerelda after we’d spent a couple of days in San Pedro on Ambergris Caye pretty much just sprawling by the pool. Esmerelda and Tackle Box are San Pedro’s local reefs so you’d think it’d be easier to go from there but nope. I went to every shop and not one would guarantee them as a dive site, they’d decide on the day, so I figured fuck it. For an extra US$15 I could go from Caye Caulker and know I was going to the sites I wanted to. Plus we preferred Caye Caulker to San Pedro so it was a no brainer to just head back there for a few more nights.

Don’t get me wrong, San Pedro isn’t hideous, it’s just got more of a town vibe which is very much on account of it being a town with actual paved roads and things. The roads are perpetually packed with golf carts, it’s pretty busy all the time, so after our flight over the Blue Hole we opted to spend our time sprawled by the pool at Sandbar where we were staying. We considered renting a golf cart for the day to join the masses trundling around Ambergris Caye, explore the island and all that, but no one could tell me what there was to explore beyond a few cool restaurants or hangouts, and Secret Beach, which isn’t any manner of secret by any definition I’m aware of. Quite frankly fuck forking out US$40 for a vehicle to take us somewhere to get savaged by sandflies where the main event is drinking and one of us wouldn’t be able to do that on account of the whole driving thing.

The local reef diving I did from Caye Caulker was nice. I went with Sunrise, they’re a good bunch of lads. I just wanted to get some diving done before going to the Blue Hole. Rock Beauty was the first dive site and I really enjoyed it but it’s not going to blow your box apart. It’s just some pretty diving. One couple on the boat were a bit disappointed but I had a nice time. The dive leader, Ed, was spearing lionfish and chopping their spines off with scissors. They’re an invasive, reef destroying species. He told us every lionfish you take out of the water is 4000 eggs you take out of the water and he planned to make ceviche with the pretty little bastards later on.

For the surface interval they took us to Caye Caulker’s Shark Ray Alley for some snorkelling. It’s not as popular as Hol Chan’s offering but there are just as many nurse sharks and Caribbean roughtail stingrays milling about, if not more. The water is a lot shallower here too so you don’t wear fins, you can stand up, just make sure you don’t stand on a stingray or you’ll know about it. I honestly don’t think I’ve had a more spectacular surface interval in all the dives I’ve done, honestly, it’s an event in its own right.

We were loaded back onto the boat and were taken to Caye Caulker Canyons because who doesn’t love a bit of alliteration? It was actually a really fucking cool dive too with a bigger variety of marine life. We saw a moray eel poking its little green face out of its hole in the reef, there was a massive crab, and a turtle graced us with her presence which is always a genuine joy. We finished off with a small reef shark gliding around underneath us as we did our safety stop too which was kind of the cherry on top. I’m never not going to love gawping at sharks.

Then they took us to find a manatee. Yeah okay, maybe there were two cherries on top of my local reef experience. They found one and we slid into the water. It behaved pretty much the same way as the one we saw on our snorkelling trip. It moved its huge bulk to the surface, took a breath then turned around and looked at us, drifting slowly closer. Erm… guys? Do we need to get out of its way? I know they’re gentle and all that but it’s also fucking massive. It was fine, obviously, it soon descended to the seabed. Sea cows are definitely nicer animals than land cows which can, quite frankly, fuck right off with their stampy hooves and tramply inclinations.

The day I went out to Tackle Box and Esmerelda the sea was a bit more choppy because of course it was. We made our way back towards San Pedro, stopped just short of the reef to get kitted up, then crossed to the other side where my stomach started to make plans to eject the six Pringles I’d eaten for breakfast into the Caribbean Sea. Oh do fuck off, brain, you’ve not been poisoned, stop being a dick about the whole boat thing. Ed told us to descend as soon as we were in the water to lower the chances of having to chuck up in our regs which I appreciated.

We were at Tackle Box first which was surprisingly uneventful but still had some cool shit. We saw all the usual fish including a massive lionfish, and here’s Ed without his spear. Apparently they don’t usually see them here. A highlight was a squid which had turned itself yellow to match the coral it was floating around next to. It scarpered as soon as we showed up and did this thing with its tentacles, like it was trying to imitate the coral. Like, I’m definitely coral, guys, certainly not a squid. Nope, absolutely not a squid. It was pretty awesome to be fair. We saw a nurse shark which came right up to Ed for a chin scratch, and a reef shark swam overhead close to the end of the dive. I’m always going to consider a dive where I see any manner of shark a complete win so you can imagine my joy at the next dive site.

We mercifully had our surface interval on land at San Pedro where I opted not to add to the seasickness ammunition, then we kitted up as the captain steered us over the lumpy sea. Apparently this isn’t even classed as too bad. I think if it were any worse my spine would collapse as the boat bumped to its destination. I just backrolled in as soon as I could and got under the water. Ahh, much better. If only I didn’t need expensive equipment to breathe down here all the time.

Ed told us we might see one or two more sharks on this dive, and sharks were the reason we were here, and it was an absolute shark fest! There were a couple of nurse sharks which are just adorable, but it was the Caribbean grey reef sharks I wanted in my immediate vicinity, please and thank you. Several of them went by, one was only a couple of metres away from me at one point. I took a couple of photos then just enjoyed this beautiful fish. They were all around us a lot of the time, especially towards the end, I didn’t know where to look.

We also saw two turtles, a big lobster out on a rock acting like it wasn’t lobster season or something (it’s definitely lobster season) and a little nudibranch which I couldn’t get a clear photo of but it was fabulous and ruffled. It was just an amazing dive packed with all manner of marine life, not just the sharks we’d come to see. I’m not diving tomorrow but if I was I think I’d come back here, but I need to keep some money back to put more Belize related things in our eyeholes when we head to San Ignacio on Friday.

So before we leave this Tropical paradise I need to talk to about my current food obsession, because of course I have a food obsession. I always have a food obsession. This is why it currently takes 5kgs of lead to get my buoyant arse underwater WITHOUT a wetsuit. A fry jack is deep fried dough which is served with breakfast. A stuff fry jack is fried dough stuffed with whatever you damn well please and probably shaves about five minutes off your life. I’ve been wolfing this shit down daily, can feel the grease seeping from my pores and fuck it, I regret nothing.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

---

Caye Caulker, Belize District, Belize

Stayed at: Popeye’s Beach Resort, Caye Caulker

Useful shit to know…

• Getting between Caye Caulker and San Pedro takes between 30 and 40 minutes with San Pedro Belize Express.
• If you book online it costs US$21. Buying our ticket on the day in Caye Caulker to get to San Pedro cost BZ$33 each.
• Apparently Caye Caulker apply a discount that San Pedro don’t because it cost us BZ$44 each to get back.
• A return ticket would have been cheaper all round but we weren’t sure of our plans when we headed to San Pedro.

• Sunrise Scuba, Snorkeling and Tours are a good outfit to dive with.
• You can WhatsApp them on +501 638-5940 to find out where they’re planning to dive on any given day.
• If you book over WhatsApp they ask for a US$25 deposit paid via PayPal, Revolut, Wise or Venmo.
• You can pay the balance with cash or card after your dive but card will cost an extra 4%.
• If you don’t do the second dive they don’t charge you for it which is lovely.