We figured as a last ditch attempt to put a resplendent quetzal in our eyeholes we’d go somewhere called Biotopo Del Quetzal and stay somewhere called Ranchitos Del Quetzal and maybe, just maybe one of the flappy green shits would show up, pose for photos, maybe give us a little twirl before disappearing into the cloud forest all majestic and stuff. No. Apparently this is not how any of this works but it’s actually a really lovely place to go for a walk and with it being a bit higher up it was a welcome reprieve from the Guatemalan heat before we descended back into the furnace.

We got utterly ripped off on the local buses though which makes me a bit sad. Local transport is a huge part of the experience for me. Before we came to Guatemala we met several people that told us you might as well get tourist shuttles because they’re not much more expensive than local buses and I couldn’t get my head around this because aren’t local buses super cheap? Well yes, they are, unless you’re foreign then they could be two or three times the price they should be so yeah, if your journey is three or four buses and you get overcharged on all of them then for a few quid extra you might as well have taken a direct tourist shuttle.

Anyway. We checked into our lovely room and went for a wander around Ranchitos del Quetzal’s own little reserve. It’s a nice little circular walk that takes you through some cloud forest past a couple of waterfalls. We didn’t see much though. Well, Tarrant saw a bright green snake. I saw its tail as it slithered away. Apparently I stepped right over it, I completely missed it on account of the fact I was gawping into the trees looking for a bright green bird. It killed a bit of time though whilst thankfully not killing me because I inadvertently stepped on a nope rope and it replaced all of my blood with venom in an admittedly quite fair retaliation.

There’s not much else to do around here and the temperature plummeted so we just chilled in bed for the evening. That shower though, utterly amazing. Scorching hot, decent pressure, the kind of shower you don’t want to get out of and you just have to hope the gods weren’t planning a cheeky little drought for the region because you wanted to pretty much just stand here for the foreseeable. I know we should all be doing our bit for the planet and save water et cetera et cetera but I’d almost rather go vegan than get out of that shower. I said almost…

Anyway. The next day we took a little stroll up to Biotopo Del Quetzal and had a little walk around their trail. It’s a very nice trail too, the whole thing is gravel so despite the fact it tipped it down last night we weren’t ankle deep in mud or slipping all over the place. You can choose from their two kilometre trail or the four kilometre trail. We opted for the bigger one and slowly made our way around it, eyes fixed on the trees.

A staff member had told us what a quetzal sounded like and we listened out for it. I think we heard it, or we wish we heard it, who fucking knows but we certainly didn’t see the elusive green bastard. We heard loads of interesting sounding birds but we saw very few despite some really intense staring into the cloud forest. It’s a really gorgeous walk though with some lovely views here and there. We saw some really cool lizards but aside from that I don’t have much else to say really. It was a lovely stroll through a lovely cloud forest but all we really gawped at was trees.

I think maybe two nights here was overkill, especially because the only place to get food is the lodge’s restaurant and it’s… lacking. They didn’t have half the menu and the food was tiny, flavourless portions. I’m really not getting on with the food in Guatemala, I’m so over disappointing tourist food and apart from a comedor in El Remate we’re struggling to find local food. I’ve heard Antigua is pretty touristy so we might have to brace ourselves for more overpriced plates of bland fare, and I’ve never craved rice as much as I’m craving it right now. But so far what Guatemala is lacking in food it’s making up for in tourist attractions.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Biotopo Del Quetzal, Baja Verapaz, Guatemala

Stayed at: Ranchitos Del Quetzal, Purulhá

Useful shit to know…

How To Get From Lanquin To Biotopo Del Quetzal

• We took public transport and got utterly ripped off but we know from speaking to plenty of other people who had travelled through Guatemala, this is to be expected.
• The colectivo to Cobán goes from the centre of Lanquin and passes by the Exon / Puma petrol station at the edge of town.
• We were told it should be Q25. We were charged Q50. It took just under two hours.
• I think the mistake we made was not moving well away from the guys loitering opposite the petrol station as they flagged the bus and loaded ourselves bags then insisted we paid them and they paid the ayudante. Lesson learned.
• They asked where we were going after Cobán and when we told them they took us to the main terminal south west west of town at coordinates 15.458539, -90.385468.
• We were bundled onto a Monja Blanca colectivo bound for Guatemala City.
• We were charged Q50 each and found out afterwards it was meant to be Q15, maximum Q20. Oh. Good.
• I think it took about an hour and fifteen minutes.
• So it should have cost Q45 each at the most. It cost Q100. More than double. You can get a tourist shuttle all the way to Antigua for Q350, and the shuttle from Flores to Lanquin was Q150, to put that in perspective.

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• Biotopo Del Quetzal costs Q60 to get in for foreigners.
• It’s open from 8am until 4pm every day.
• There are two trails to choose from; one is 2kms, the other is 4kms. They’re well marked with a good path.

• If you’re staying at Ranchitos Del Quetzal you can visit their reserve for free, otherwise it’s Q40 per person.
• They offer a guided bird walk for Q300, and a night walk for Q300, both prices are for up to four humans.