We booked our lake cruise on Get Your Guide before arriving in Montenegro because I wanted to make sure we got one. I needn’t have worried, this place consists entirely of people trying to sell you a boat tour. You’ve got everything from one-man bands who don’t really speak English to full outfits with staff in branded shirts and multiple boats. You can go out for an hour, two hours, three hours, on trips just for birdwatching, sunrise, or sunset. You name it. If it can be done on the lake there’s a boat tour for it. We were with Kingfisher, a larger outfit with at least three boats. I know this because the 10am tourists were loaded onto three separate boats depending on the length of tour they’d opted for. We were doing three hours.

We started the cruise along a river leading to the lake as our guide pointed out birds and told us about their habits. There were plenty of cormorants. Those guys get everywhere, just chilling on branches with their wings out after a hard morning diving for fish. I could get on board with being a cormorant in my next life. Ideally somewhere with very few predators, please. As we got out onto the lake he pointed out the mountains yonder and told us that was Albania. Lake Skadar straddles the two countries on account of the fact large bodies of H₂O give exactly zero fucks about arbitrary human borders. Last night at the wine tasting Nemanja had showed us a giant, long trident thingy that was used for catching carp in the lake. You never saw the fish, you’d have to wait for the bubbles then launch your spear in to catch them. His dad and grandad were very good at it. Very much hit and hope but also very skilful. He told us these days the lads electrocute the water to kill more fish at once, and probably anything else in the vicinity, and when they get caught doing it they flee over the border in fast boats. Dickheads.

We weren’t too far onto the lake when our guide and captain stopped, opened up a cooler and handed out these little doughballs called priganice which were light and fluffy and utterly fucking delicious! He told us that you could have them savoury with cheese, or sweet with honey or fruit. These ones happened to be liberally dusted with icing sugar which is impossible to consume without getting it all over you. I wouldn’t try crossing any borders any time soon whilst sporting that particular look. I firmly added them to the list of Favourite Foreign Foods You Can’t Get In The UK so I could periodically think about them and be sad that I couldn’t just go out and get them. I suppose I could learn to make them but that’s never worked out well for me in the past. It usually results in a semi-destroyed kitchen and a pan of dirty oil I have no idea how to dispose of.

Then he brought out the wine. Even I glanced at my watch and I am a fucking lush. Whatever, we’re on holiday, I’ll have the white, please. It was Plantaže which is the national brand of wine in Montenegro. I think it’s literally owned by the government. Nemanja had told us last night that you can get everything from €3 bottles to €20 bottles and beyond, and some of it is actually very good. Obviously when you’re plying tourists with wine on a boat at 10.30am it’s going to be the lower end of that price tag so I’m not judging Plantaže on what we were fed that day. But only the first sip draws your gums over your teeth then you just get on with it because it’s free wine.

We carried on past Lesendro Fortress which the Ottomans and the Montenegrins fought over quite a lot given its strategic position. We sailed past swathes of water chestnuts floating on the water, then through an alley of lily pads towards Kom Monastery — built in the early 1400s — where we’d be visiting for 20 minutes. It’s plenty of time. There are a few uneven steps to walk up, a little chapel to look around, views to marvel at and a little souvenir shop to visit for all your honey and trinket related needs.

Then we headed back down to the boat for the cruise back to Virpazar. It’s so lovely, just being on the water, gawping at the birds and the mountains. Stunning part of the world. We stopped not far from the town so those who wanted to swim could do just that and the water was actually gorgeous. I was very much expecting the kind of cold that makes your nipples sit up and take notice but it was the perfect temperature for cooling off without sending all of your nerve endings into shock.

Back in the town we grabbed a tasty cold motor impairment beverage and talked about what to do with the rest of our day. We’d considered renting kayaks but we were very satisfied with our lake experience already. I suppose we could take kayaks and go swimming but I can’t get back onto a kayak once I’m in the water because I am fucking useless like that. Think drunk giraffe trying to get on a lilo in a deep pool. That’s me. It was hot though. Like microscopic goblins with sponges for fingers were reaching into the core of us to suck every last molecule of H₂O from our very being. We decided that the best course of action would be to remain on this little balcony at a café bar called Плави 1 (which is Plavi 1 in Latin script) in order to consume a bit more Nikšićko with a lovely river view.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Lake Skadar National Park, Bar Municipality, Montenegro

Stayed at: Camp Lad, Virpazar

Useful shit to know…

• I’d booked our boat tour on Get Your Guide. You can book directly on Kingfisher’s website too, or I guess you can speak to them at their desk in the town.
• I do recommend them. They were professional and friendly. Plus you can’t fault free wine. They do have juice and water on board too. Getting mildly intoxicated is entirely optional.
• Their kiosk is located around 42.246291, 19.090927.
• We paid €25 which doesn’t include the national park entry fee of €5.
• They ask that you bring the cash for that. You can also buy it online HERE, and I’m assuming you can buy it at the visitor centre too which is around 42.245901, 19.090933.
• We’d already bought the annual pass which gives you unlimited access to all of Montenegro’s national parks until the end of the year.
• It costs €13.50 and you can buy it HERE. You’ll have to upload a photo of yourself and enter your passport details. You’ll be emailed a QR code which you can add to your Google/Apple Wallet. We found it worked very well everywhere.