I had a bit of time off work at the same time as a mate, Lydi, was back in Europe after a long absence which makes it sound like she was in prison. She wasn’t, she was overseas. So I thought, “Why not fuck off to Germany for a bit for a catch up?” Why not indeed. We decided on Cologne on account of it having stuff to do, but also it was super easy to get to other interesting places. I’ve split this blog up into three. Everything Cologne is in the final post despite the fact we did most of the touristing on the first day. It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want. Plus it makes sense as we also finished our touristing there, and I wanted to put all the food in one place at the end of the blog, because I’m a tubby tubby fat fuck with a minor obsession with food. I totally just lied to your face. It’s major. Like, the first thing I do after booking flights is research the food then become genuinely worried that I won’t have enough time to eat everything. I plan it into the itinerary. I shovel it all in like I was raised by wolves until the only movement I can manage is an undignified waddle with my belt undone. But anyway! It’s all in the third Cologne post if, like me, you’re a bit of a glutton.

Today we’re going to be banging on about Aachen which you can get to by availing yourself of one of Germany’s fine trains from the Hauptbahnhof. It’s only an hour away and you’ll get to put another cathedral in your eyeholes, and a soft, gingery thing in your facehole. Not a euphemism. We made Printenbäckerei Klein our first stop in order to sample some of this Aachener Printen we’d been told about. It’s a local sweet, like, biscuit I guess? It comes in hard or soft versions, with the hard being cheaper as it’s apparently easier to make. Want it covered in chocolate? Done! You like nuts, you saucy fucker? They’ve got you covered. A woman explained it all to us (or, rather, she explained it to Lydi who translated but there’ll be someone there who can speak English) and we eventually settled on a mixed bag of misfits. Broken pieces that they’re selling off a bit cheaper, containing both hard and soft, nekkid or chocolate covered, nutty or nut-free. Like a Printen lucky dip. I believe the hard Printen are the traditional ones but the soft ones are a lot nicer in my obviously very highly regarded opinion. I feel like my dentist would have strong opinions on both.

We wandered over to the cathedral which wasn’t quite open yet so we sat down for a cuppa in the delightful little square next to it. It’s smaller than the one in Cologne but still a joy to rub your eyeballs all over. Once inside, they ask you to donate a Euro if you want to take photos, and you’re going to want to take photos. It’s a stunner, really ornate. Better, I reckon, than the inside of the Cologne Cathedral. I said what I said. It didn’t take long to wander around it, then we headed up to Lousberg, a tiny hill with some nice, easy strolls and a couple of viewpoints over the city.

Not the best views in the world, they’re quite restricted on account of the trees. Bloody nature getting in the way of my eyehole fodder. But it’s a nice enough place, popular with dog walkers and joggers. Definitely lacking a café as far as my stomach was concerned. Before it started digesting itself we headed back down the hill and grabbed a kebab near the Ponttor, one of the remaining gates of the old city wall, and scoffed it in a nearby pub that told us they were happy for us to do so. You see enough kebab shops in Germany for them to be considered German food and I will die on this hill, likely from over-eating, or cardiac arrest because I lined my arteries with lard then proceeded to walk up said hill.

You can easily get to the three country point between Germany, Belgium and The Netherlands from here with a short bus ride and a pleasant 30 minute stroll through a forest. I say pleasant, it really is but considering it was the end of February we were really fucking lucky with the weather. If it was pissing it down you’d probably be ankle deep in floor soup, occasionally faceplanting the mud as you attempted the bit-of-an-incline. But it was so lovely I even unzipped the legs from my highly fashionable convertible trousers and spent the afternoon in shorts and a singlet.

Once you’re there you can stroll between countries unchallenged because the Schengen area is a thing that exists, climb a tower for views over all three countries, eat food products or drink liquid substances at various purveyors of said objects, and stand atop the highest point in The Netherlands. Oh yes, you can scale The Vaalserberg and, at 322.5 metres above sea level, you will be the highest person in The Netherlands. Depending on your definition of “high”. Also when I say “scale” I mean “step onto”. It’s a fun thing though. There’s nothing here but the tourist infrastructure and it does sort of make you realise how arbitrary borders are.

Once back in Aachen we stopped at the Domkeller for a Kölsch, the beer from Cologne I’ll talk about in the last post, and we sat outside to do so. It was a bit chillier in the shade and it warranted a hoody, but fuck it. It’s not raining. We wanted to enjoy that while it lasted. When sitting outside drinking a beer in February it’s important to say things like, “I can’t believe it’s February and we’re sitting outside drinking a beer” at least every twenty minutes or so. It lets the weather gods know that we love this shit and would like much more of it, please.

I very much enjoyed Aachen, it’s a really cute town, nice to just wander around and avail yourself of food and drink. Yeah alright, it hasn’t got a shit tonne of stuff to do but it’s a chill place to be if you fancied a potter. It’s only an hour from Cologne too so it’s perfect day tripping distance, and if I ever return I’ll be bringing a spare bag just so I can stuff it full of Printen.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Aachen, Nordrhein-Westfalen/North Rhine-Westphalia, Deutschland/Germany

Stayed at: LaLuna – Wohlfühl City Apartment im Herzen der Stadt, Cologne, Germany

Useful shit to know…

Deutschland Ticket (D-Ticket)

• For €63 a month you can travel all over Germany on regional trains and local public transport. You can’t use the long distance, high speed trains such as IC or ICE. So you could spend the best part of €100 to get from Munich to Berlin in 4.5 hours, or use your Deutschland Ticket but it’ll take closer to nine hours and you have to change five times. See, that just sounds like a fun adventure to me!
• I bought mine through the DB Navigator app and had to enter my bank details. I assumed that they’d just take the money but they didn’t and instead sent me an email saying I had to send it to their bank. I did this and that was sorted. I’ve since found out you can’t use non-EU banks (thanks, Brexit) but if you do it through a city’s local transport app you can pay by credit card. It doesn’t matter which city.
• IT IS A SUBSCRIPTION!! The cut off for cancellations is the 10th of the month. So I only wanted it for the last few days in February. I bought it early in the month and cancelled before the 10th February. It remained valid until the 28th.
• If your trip straddles two months you’ll need it for both months thus doubling the price so you’ll need to do some maths to see if it’s worth it.

Getting Around & Miscellaneous Info

• The RE1 and RE9 will take you directly from Cologne to Aachen in less than an hour. If you have the D-Ticket it’ll be valid on these trains.

• The Aachen Dom is free to enter but they do ask that you donate a Euro if you want to take photos.
• Remove your hat and dress appropriately.

• To get to the three country border you’ll need to take a bus to Vaalserquartier, a neighbourhood in the border town of Vaals.
• There are a few buses that go here, you can easily use Google Maps to tell you which is best for you.
• Alight around 50.769044, 6.027585. You can use Google Maps or Organic Maps to plan your 30 minute walk to the border point. It’s uphill most of the way but not too steep. It can get muddy.
• There’s no entry fee, you can just potter around at leisure. There are places to eat and drink, and there’s a tower you can climb up for €5.