Me and zoos have an uneasy relationship. On one hand, animals shouldn't be kept in captivity. If they've been plucked from the wild and enclosed in a zoo then that's not something I want to look at. Buuuut if they were born in captivity and that's all they know and the zoo treats them well [...]
So me and Jill had rocked up to Trivandrum in the pissing rain and did that thing where you ask every other person where the actual fuck you're meant to catch the bus to Kovalam because Indian directions often involve a vague hand wave in a general direction with a "and then you turn left... [...]
Life in Fort Cochin is a non-stop adventure assuming that by "non-stop adventure" you mean sitting around a lot whilst consuming tea and cake. Other activities include walking around looking at the various tourist attractions, but really really slowly so you don't do everything in four minutes. More of a stroll, really. Or an amble. [...]
Train is definitely my favourite way to get around India ay. Buses are great and all that and you don't have to book half your life in advance but they're not as comfortable, you can't get up and walk around and if you decide you need the toilet well, that's just tough titties, sweetheart. Sometimes [...]
So I ended up giving myself the afternoon off from being a tourist today. I wasn't going to, I came to Kannur to see if I could find a Theyyam possession ritual to wrap my eyeballs around but I ended up scrapping that idea in favour of miming to power ballads in the mirror in [...]
That awkward moment when a mother uses you to threaten her child! I was in Malpe waiting for a boat along with an Indian family and suddenly I realised what she was saying to her sprog; "Do you want her to take you away? Do you want to go with her? Or do you want [...]
Vehicles in India have this slightly terrifying habit of driving up the wrong side of the road if they need to get somewhere on the right. Usually it's rickshaws or motorcycles and they aim for the edge of the road and often directly at pedestrians but y'know, this is something you get used to. So [...]
So I think I experienced my very first Indian "is that what I thought it was?" arse grope. Now, this has happened to most women I've met whilst travelling here but it doesn't normally happen to me. Despite the fact I have tits that could have kept the Titanic afloat, having short hair and tattoos [...]
Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan and is known as the Pink City which I was later told is because when the Prince of Wales visited the city sometime in the 1800's they painted the whole bastard place pink to welcome him which is a slightly grand and random gesture. He'd probably have been happy [...]
If you're going to Fatehpur Sikri you might want to take along a fuck off great big stick to fend off the traders in the free-entry square. A huge stick, with nails in the end. Or a chainsaw. Or a flamethrower. You can handle sellers that call to you from the side of the road [...]
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