We’d accidentally booked Business Class. I say accidentally, we’d started checking out flight prices to the Seychelles once we decided that we weren’t going to finish the hike and did some serious soul (and savings) searching after we saw the price of the return flights for the dates we wanted. Anywhere between £1400 if you didn’t mind a 36 hour trip with two changes, up to £1700. Each. Per human. Holy fuck.

We calculated how much money we might have spent if we’d finished the hike. That more than covered the flights. Fuck it, we’re never going to have the money to go to the Seychelles ever again, we’ve got the savings, let’s do it! It was only when I printed out the itinerary that I realised why it was eye wateringly expensive. Both of our flights to the Seychelles were in Business Class. Dear reader, I regret nothing.

I could get used to this. We checked in our bags in the priority queue, fast tracked through security, then headed straight for the 1903 lounge. I knew lounges were a thing that existed, I had no idea that everything was free. The food, the hot drinks, the beers, the… wait, is that actual champagne?!? That’s it then isn’t it. Cooked breakfast with a glass of champagne on the side. Sorry, tea, I love you but I love being an utter fucking lush even more. We must have betrayed our status as First Time Business Class Humans when we acted like kids in a sweet shop when faced with a free bar at 7.30am.

Priority boarding is a thing of pure joy too. Our seats were more cubicle than seats. The seat itself could be controlled by a little keypad, it reclined all the way to a flat bed, and and and! It had a fucking lumbar massage function. I shit you not. We were handed champagne when we sat down and they kept topping it up throughout the flight. I had to ask them to stop, all that booze on a plane, I could feel my braincells popping. We got to order our food off a menu. Guys, it’s too late, I’m already used to this.

We took full advantage of the Etihad lounge in Abu Dhabi and by the time we boarded our second flight we had to assure the bemused cabin crew that we didn’t need much food unless they wanted to roll us off the flight. I didn’t get much sleep. This was a much smaller plane so whilst the seats were very comfortable they didn’t recline to flat and I can’t sleep in a chair, even one which goes back quite a bit. It triggers this weird jumpy leg thing I’ve got. I drifted in and out of consciousness whilst my right leg randomly spasmed every now and then and I just had to hope I didn’t inadvertently knee cap the cabin crew.

Everything went so fucking smoothly. Why can’t the UK be like this? Especially since Covid I’ve had to factor in “In Case Of Delays” contingency plans which is how we ended up sat at the jetty on Mahé for four hours before our ferry boarded. We were 40 minutes late leaving Manchester. As soon as we left British soil everything went like clockwork. Until we got on the boat. Oh my fucking god. I mean, it left in good time, I can’t fault it for that, but it was over an hour of bouncing over waves on a rollercoaster no one asked for. The whoops of the passengers as we took off and splash landed were rapidly replaced with retching.

I’d taken a Kwells, I get seasick on the smoothest of crossings and I didn’t want to pebbledash the inside of the boat with my fancy Business Class food. No one else took a Kwells. Half the boat was chucking up as crew handed out more sick bags and tissues to the stricken. Being seasick is fucking awful, once you start the only relief is not being on the boat and that wasn’t currently an option. The vomiting masses set Tarrant off, which eventually set me off, and I’m not a quiet puker. You could have heard me in Botswana. I sound like velociraptors having sex. So I set the guy sat two down from me off, which set Tarrant off again.

We could not wait to get off that fucking boat. We’d fully intended to catch a local bus to our accommodation to save money but we fell straight into the vehicle of a taxi driver and he dropped us at the door. Definitely overcharged us but we were utterly bollocksed and I don’t even care.

Where we’re staying is amazing though. We have an apartment a mere minute’s stumble from the most gorgeous beach I’ve ever seen. We showered, went shopping before we died of hunger, then took a stroll up aforementioned stunner of a beach. A quick swim later and we tentatively applied a SeyBrew to our tender stomachs and nothing rebelled so we’re calling it a win. Early night tonight for sure though, Tarrant is knocking us up some rice with various veges and some minced dead stuff, I’m on the veranda (we have a veranda!) trying not to fall asleep. We’ve got a lot of doing nothing planned for tomorrow and we want to be fresh for it.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

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Blackpool, Lancashire, England to Cote D’or, Praslin, The Seychelles

Stayed at: Villa Bedier, Cote D’or, Praslin

Useful shit to know…

• Did you know that you can pay for lounge access at Manchester airport if you’re travelling Economy? I had no fucking clue. It’s around £45 each at, you can book online, and it means you’ve got your food and booze taken care of and you don’t have to sit on the uncomfortable airport seats.
• We booked our ferry tickets online with SeyFerry (€50 each) and we could book the shuttle (€10 each) from the airport to the jetty at the same time. Creole Travel deal with everything once you’re there if you do it this way, and you will need to print the vouchers they email to you so Creole Travel can convert them to tickets.
• CatCocos has an office at the jetty where you can buy ferry tickets, and there’s a ticket machine there too. You’ll pay roughly the same price (Rs700 from the ticket machine) whether you book online or buy them on the day.
• We had four hours to wait but there are public toilets and a little kiosk serving snacks, and hot and cold drinks open from 7ish. There’s also a restaurant but I’m not sure what time it opened.
• We were met at the airport by a rep from Creole Travel with my name on a bit of card and we were ushered to the shuttle straight away.
• You can buy SIM cards at the airport but we were there too early for that.
• When you get off the ferry in Praslin there’ll be taxi drivers offering their services, or you can keep going to the bus stop which is by the steps up to the Baha’i temple.