Hashtag Beach Life

I fucking hate sand. Tiny little particles of evil that get into all of your holes without an invitation. Ugh. My butt crack chaffs just thinking about it. I fucking love beaches though so you figure that one out if you can. Clearly I’d much rather have a lovely sunbed to keep me away from the gritty threat but failing that I’ll lie on my sarong, gingerly brushing sand off the corners, trying to convince myself that it doesn’t matter that OH MY FUCKING GOSH IT’S ON ME because I have full and unfettered access to a shower back at the hostel.

On us ‘olidays.
Oh go on then. Just for a few days.

We decided to take ourselves to Farallón for a few days to do exactly bugger all but lounge in various places such as hammocks and beaches. It’s an odd mix. There’s a huge, sprawling all inclusive resort and a few high rise hotels that have lovely, big balconies. Alongside that you have the budget accommodation such as Taca Tucan Hostel where we were staying with the refreshing cold water showers, the garden where you can just chill, and the gorgeous hostel cat called Coco.

It’s definitely worth the short shuffle down to the beach for the sunrise.
Don’t be fooled! The dogs are owned and cared for. This scrounging (albeit adorable) bugger is even wearing a harness.

There are several restaurants but if I’m going to splurge on a meal out in a beachside village I want to be able to see the beach. Mia Beach is everything a seaside bar should be for me; tables and chairs in the sand under palm thatched roofs, ice cold beer, unpretentious food, cute dogs intently staring at every single morsal you apply to your facehole whilst drooling a bit. Me and the dogs. We ate here on our last night and had a meat feast we couldn’t finish. We took most of it away but the doggo gazing longingly at our plates got a bit of chicken after the waiter told us it was fine. I like to think we’re the dog’s favourite tourists now.

Dinner and beer by the beach. If I’m at risk of sounding like an utter smug prick it’s because I’m being an utter smug prick.
Mia Beach. Exactly how a beach bar should be.

What else can I say? We went for a sunrise swim in the weirdly warm Pacific Ocean, sprawled on the beach, tried not to panic at the sand I got on me, drank an inordinate quantity of rum with a lovely German couple we met at the hostel, ate our body weight in dumplings from the convenience store two doors down from the hostel, did battle with mosquitoes (and largely lost), and generally chilled the fuck out. The hardest decision we had to make was “do we head to the beach after breakfast or after lunch?” I’m not sure how we’re coping really.

If only there were somewhere we could eat a fck’n pizza.

Jump to “Useful shit to know…”

Farallón, Coclé, Panama

Stayed at: Taca Tucan Hostel, Farallón

Taca Toucan Hostel. We really liked it. There’s a small garden out the back with hammocks and the hostel only accommodates a small amount of people. It’s very close to the beach too. The kitchen is well equipped and the room had AC between 8pm and 8am but we found ourselves waking up in the wee hours to switch it off.

Useful shit to know…

How To Get From Panama City To Fallarón By Bus

  • We knew we needed to get to Rio Hato then change buses there.
  • I’d read that at Albrook you look for your destination written above to ticket desks and if you can’t see it, choose a destination a bit further along the road. I would have chosen Antón (not to be confused with El Valle de Antón which is a different place).
  • To gain access to the platform you need a RapidPass which is similar to our Metrobus card but as well as buses and the Metro you can use it to pay the terminal fee. Cash is not taken.
  • We don’t have a RapidPass so we planned to ask someone to tap us through and we’d pay them the cash.
  • What actually happened was, someone asked us where we were going, we were directed to another bloke who ushered us onto the platform by tapping us through with his RapidPass then we were put on a bus.
  • Turned out he was the conductor for that bus.
  • He knew we wanted to get off at Rio Hato as we wanted to go to Farallón so instead of taking us all the way to Rio Hato he dropped us at the Farallón turn off (8.382069, -80.131928).
  • It cost US$4 each and we paid when we got off the bus.
  • We crossed the road to a bus stop on the little road, the turn off (8.381465, -80.132237).
  • It didn’t take long for a minivan to Farallón to stop. It cost 50c and you can get off wherever you want, you just have to ask them to stop.
  • Total cost: US$4.50.

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