Offa’s Dyke Path 2022

Offa’s Dyke Path more or less follows the border of England and Wales along a sod off great big ditch that a chap called Offa built to keep the Welsh out of the Kingdom of Mercia. I say “chap”, the dude was a legit king. Of Mercia. “Yeah but where is Mercia though?” I hear you cry. So it turns out that Mercia was, in a nutshell, a large section of present day England before the Kingdom of Wessex united them all into the Kingdom of England. I had no idea this was a thing that existed ever. Did I learn it at school and just forget? Did I just remember all about crop rotation in the 17th century whilst this fascinating piece of information was replaced by all of the lyrics to “Turtle Power!” by Partners In Kryme? No idea.

This hike starts on day 78 as it was part of a much bigger hike. Feel free to check out The Bottom Half for the rest of the stories.

BUDGET for one person (based on two sharing)
Accommodation: £203.69
Groceries: £110.4
Cafés & restaurants: £137.91
Booze: £94.29
Coffee, tea, soft drinks: £3.15
Miscellaneous shit: £12.99

Grand Total: £562.43
Daily Average: £43.26

The Stories

Day 78 – Chepstow to Monmouth

On account of the fact it seems we’re fair weather campers these days, we ended up walking a few miles further than we intended today. We were only about a mile and three quarters from the Offa’s Dyke trail marker so off we fucked as the sky threatened to release a thousand furies. Sure enough […]

Day 79 – Monmouth to Pandy

Last night as we sat in the restaurant shovelling a particularly good biriyani into our chops we decided that we’d preempt our desire for a room tomorrow night and called a place in Pandy that kept cropping up in our searches called the Lancaster Arms. Turned out she couldn’t have us on account of the […]

Day 80 – Pandy to Hay-On-Wye

We’d asked Mary if we could have breakfast at 7.30am and she delivered. We walked downstairs and she was in the process of drowning various parts of a dead pig in oil for us. My arteries hardened just watching it. She made me a tea and made Tarrant make her own coffee because she “hates […]

Day 81 – Rest Day, Hay-on-Wye

I dozed off and on this morning waiting for a break in the rain so I could make a break for the toilets but I swear, every time I thought it had stopped and sat up it resumed pattering down onto the tent. It’s quite nice though, lying in the tent as gentle rain cascades […]

Day 82 – Hay-On-Wye to Kington

Oh dear gosh, today was difficult. I didn’t feel too bad at first but you know how sometimes a hangover creeps slowly in like little tendrils of doom across your brain? Pretty much that. There weren’t many hills and they weren’t particularly brutal but the ones we did encounter nearly bloody killed me. I swear […]

Day 83 – Kington to Knighton

As soon as we left Kington we were waking up a right bastard of a relentless hill. You know those ones that aren’t too steep but they just don’t give up? Yeah. That. The eyehole fodder was very much worth the slog though and was, as always, the perfect excuse to stop and turn around […]

Day 84 – Knighton to Brompton Crossroads

We knew today was generally accepted to be most difficult section of the Offa’s Dyke Path and we thought we were ready for it. Dear reader, we were not. It did not fuck about, the minute we left our campsite we were faced with the first utterly brutal ascent of the day. Oh my poor […]

Day 85 – Brompton Crossroads to Buttington

Just a nice, short day today. An uneventful jaunt across a lot of farmland with pretty hills in the background. It was largely flat for the first part too, aside from one surprise hill which annihilated my poor, abused calf muscles which still hadn’t forgiven me for yesterday, then a couple of big inclines at […]

Day 86 – Buttington to Selattyn

I’m not going to lie, we skipped 6¼ miles of the Offa’s Dyke Path today and I regret nothing. I’d read in a Facebook group that this section was full of feisty bullocks head butting and trying to mount each other. Even people who weren’t usually bothered by the bovine threat were avoiding that section […]

Day 87 – Selattyn to Llangollen

It was already too hot by 8am today and we had many hills to get up. I could solve world drought with the amount of fluid pouring from my face. We’d had a lovely horsefly free day yesterday but they were back today with a vengeance, taking chunks out of both of us. I’m going […]

Day 88 – Llangollen to Llandegla

Today was actually quite enjoyable for a few reasons. Firstly, the variety. We started off with the classic, lush, green Welsh hills, then it suddenly got wilder with scree covered slopes rising up above us up the right and sweeping down to the left. Lovely, but the path was very narrow and slightly terrifying, the […]

Day 89 – Llandegla to Bodfari

The alarm went off at 4.30 this morning, before the bastard rooster even had a chance to wake us up. There’d been a lot of roosters recently, sleep had generally been forcibly ended early for the last few days but today it was necessary on account of the fact it was forecast to be hotter […]

Day 90 – Bodfari to Prestatyn

The original plan was to get to Prestatyn around 3pm, check into our hotel for showers and to abandon our backpacks then finish the trail bagless and in flip flops and ready to pour obnoxious quantities of prosecco into our chops. However, this would mean tackling various hills in heat unbefitting of North Wales so […]